I've complained here before about how I seem to have trouble making friends, especially independent of EGM, especially people who aren't from work, especially women. So I jumped at the chance to join a book club a few months ago, despite a somewhat awkward invitation.
I was at the birthday dinner for the female member of our only-friends-who-are-not-scientists couple along with another of her friends. We'll call this other friend Bookworm. I had met Bookworm several times before at other events hosted by this couple. Anyway, Bookworm invited my friend to join her new book club, but my friend declined because she doesn't like to read much. Awkward pause, then Bookworm said, well, um, would you like to come to my book club, Ecogeofemme? My natural inclination would have been to say no because it would be all people I didn't know and I felt like I was getting invited just because she felt rude leaving me out at that point. But, I'm always saying how I want more friends and I've been mildly interested in a book club for a long time. So I said yes.
That was right at the end of last year, so they skipped a couple of months around the holidays, and then I didn't make the next one. Then after all that time, I waffled about going. But I'm so glad I finally put on my big girl panties and went. The group is so great. They are a bunch of really intelligent, interesting women. They have different backgrounds from me, which is so cool. One is almost finished with a Ph.D. in English literature, so she always has great insights, but (thankfully) is never condescending. Several others have theater backgrounds, which adds a lot too. They seem to like my perspective as well. The discussions really add to my appreciation of the books because the others point out and explain allusions that I miss since I read way more science than literature.
Bookworm moved away a couple of months ago, and it was unclear if the group would continue without her leadership. So far, so good. I was a little worried personally, since I didn't know any of the other women before. But they seem to have accepted me as a regular member. I think it would take a long time for me to become actual friends with any of these people, but it's still really wonderful to have a standing engagement once a month where I feel like I belong. It has been a lot of fun so far.
14 comments:
Sounds great. It's always good to get some input outside of the usual science nerds. Not that I'm particularly good at it...
once my science grad program got a tiny bit less insane I joined a bookclub and it's been great so far. I'm not the bestest of friends with everybody, but they're great to hang out with and they understand that my schedule leaves me with limited social time and don't make me feel bad for not always beings able to do everything. Yay for friends outside of your program!
This is a really neat thing you've found, I'm going to have to keep it in mind when we move... because I can see myself having similar issues with friends and stuff like that. Now I have a little trick in my repository!
I may need to do something like this - it sounds really great! I'll be thinking of you and your courage when the opportunity arises.
Great for you! My husband keeps saying he wants to meet new friends here but although I don't have very many friends in town I feel like I have lots of friends around the county that I neglect already, I don't need any new ones to neglect! But I can see how a book club, or some other type of club would be a fun activity with new conversation.
Sounds great. Don't feel bad about having a hard time making friends. I have a miserable time about it, usually because the people I meet at work aren't friend material, and I have no other way of meeting people. It's hard to commit to other activities. It makes me jealous of my family members, who all live close to one another and who are always meeting new people through one another. Bah.
I've never had many female friends and it's really only within the last couple of years that I've actually made the effort to do anything about it. Interestingly, one of the ways in which I tried to change my situation was by accepting an invitation to a book club from a woman I barely new. So far its gone really well even though my attendance is a bit sporadic.
I've never had many female friends and it's really only within the last couple of years that I've actually made the effort to do anything about it. Interestingly, one of the ways in which I tried to change my situation was by accepting an invitation to a book club from a woman I barely new. So far its gone really well even though my attendance is a bit sporadic.
That sounds great, Ecogeofemme! I joined a book club, too, but um, I haven't actually been to a meeting in months...
But I do belong to a mothers group and try to make time to attend a social event at least once a month (the book club is actually sponsored through the mothers' group, but I never finish the assigned book in time!) I can't say I'm really intimate with any of the women I've met, but it's nice just to hang out with a diverse group of intelligent, non-science people!
Good for you! I haven't joined a book club but it's something I might consider. We have a lot of friends who are really my husband's friends (although I get on great with them and their wives), while a lot of my own friends who I know independtly from my husband have been leaving town lately (science really sucks sometimes). So it might be nice to have some new friends who are just my own!
Listening to you all, I think something like a book club must be a good way for nomadic academics with busy schedules to build a social life. Sounds like we're all in the same boat.
(I'm really behind on my blog reading.) I really like the idea of a book club. I've got very few friends outside of my program here. Plus I'm naturally shy, so that's a compounding factor. I'm glad that it's going so well for you!
I have been thinking about a book club for soo long ... I love reading, love discussing books.
Great way to meet new people! Let us know how it is, and what you read!
Wish I had a group like this. Glad to hear you are having fun with it! The only one I know about was disappointing the two times I went, so I gave up. If the books are lame, and/or nobody reads them, and/or we spend the whole time explaining the most basic plot points to several people who didn't understand the book at all... might as well just go drinking instead, methinks, and read what I want when I want to read it.
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