Kate at A K8, A Cat, A Mission chose a very good topic, “transcending the debate”, for this month’s Scientiae Carnival, which I am contributing to for the first time. Here goes.
I believe that transcending gender issues in STEM fields involves setting the expectations ourselves. That is, behaving in a way that embodies what we want from our lives and our careers and demanding that others regard us how we wish. There are many confounding factors that make science jobs difficult for women. But it’s the jobs that are hard, not the science. We can do the science if someone would just take away the bullshit. So, I believe that rising above the debate comes from having the chops and not letting anyone think we don’t.
Doing the science in a way that improves the outlook for women entails shaking the guilt for being passionate. We don’t need to feel guilty for working at work, even if we want to work for a really long time. For wanting to run experiments more than we want to clean the bathroom or decorate the living room. By the same token, we should not feel guilty about wanting to live, either. For wanting to leave after just 8 hours because we have a dinner date or want to get home in time to watch Lost (and not hiding those plans from our colleagues or bosses). Or not wanting to go to a conference because we really don’t want to miss little Susie’s recital that is scheduled for the same day. We should do what we want, whether it’s working more than our mother-in-laws approve of or working less than the men act like they do.
This is not their system to dictate how we work. It’s our system too. We can do what we want with it. We can create part time jobs for each other. We can lower the requirements for tenure just a little bit. We can demand daycare on site. We can show some sympathy when one of our ranks has to stop an experiment short to go home to a sick kid, even finish the experiment for that mother. Or father, because part of our expectations should involve demanding more from men. Expecting that they know what size shoes the kids wear. That they notice when the bathroom is dirty, too. That we can rest assured that there will be no sexist comments towards us, no matter how subtle.
I know that women continue to be under represented at higher ranks in many STEM fields despite the larger numbers of female students for many years. I wish that the women who have made a career in science could feel empowered to make it easier for those young women to join them. And I know that many women are so overwhelmed that the pressure of being a role model/activist/leader might feel like too much. I’m sure many (most?!) women have it much tougher than I have it in my majority female lab, but we’re all in this together. Some collective effort can make science a friendlier place for women and parents. Then we will be able to not just transcend the debate, but make it obsolete.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
wasteful
uck. I just saw a commercial for a jewelry store where a man watches a women open a gift from him. Each brightly wrapped box contains a smaller wrapped box. After about six elaborately wrapped boxes, the woman finally gets to a diamond necklace. I remember once S4's high school boyfriend did this for her and I thought it was so romantic (I was probably 6). I wished someone would do that for me someday. Now I just think it's disgusting to waste that much paper.
I really enjoy exchanging gifts though, especially at Christmas. My mom goes totally nuts; she buys a bajillion presents and gets all excited like a kid, singing and dancing around the house, which is probably why I like it so much. But when we were kids, we only really got new stuff at birthdays or Christmas because money was tight and there were so many of us (I am one of seven children). Even now, my mom buys a large portion of my clothes for me as birthday and Christmas gifts.
My pleasure in gift exchange has become somewhat tainted by my interest in non consumerism. I try to limit gift exchange with friends and coworkers because I end up buying stuff that I don't really have the money to buy and they don't really want.. That's fine, I guess, since it's the thought that counts. But it makes me feel so ick watching the tv ads this time of year and knowing all the energy and resources that will go to making and transporting all that stuff and I want to contribute to it as little as possible. So my best friend and I use the money we would have used to buy each other some kind of scented candle to go out together. We'd rather spend quality time together with no money guilt attached than have another picture frame.
Sorry this post was a little stream-of-consciousness. Arduous has spent much more time thinking about this issue, which got me thinking about holiday consumerism -- along with that commercial.
I really enjoy exchanging gifts though, especially at Christmas. My mom goes totally nuts; she buys a bajillion presents and gets all excited like a kid, singing and dancing around the house, which is probably why I like it so much. But when we were kids, we only really got new stuff at birthdays or Christmas because money was tight and there were so many of us (I am one of seven children). Even now, my mom buys a large portion of my clothes for me as birthday and Christmas gifts.
My pleasure in gift exchange has become somewhat tainted by my interest in non consumerism. I try to limit gift exchange with friends and coworkers because I end up buying stuff that I don't really have the money to buy and they don't really want.. That's fine, I guess, since it's the thought that counts. But it makes me feel so ick watching the tv ads this time of year and knowing all the energy and resources that will go to making and transporting all that stuff and I want to contribute to it as little as possible. So my best friend and I use the money we would have used to buy each other some kind of scented candle to go out together. We'd rather spend quality time together with no money guilt attached than have another picture frame.
Sorry this post was a little stream-of-consciousness. Arduous has spent much more time thinking about this issue, which got me thinking about holiday consumerism -- along with that commercial.
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Infrastructure
Every scientist should get a full time technician. When hired as a professor or staff scientist, one expects an office and lab space. I believe that a professional technician should be part of the package. They should carry value as part of the organization's infrastructure.
More good science would get done if there were reliable and competent hands in the lab that don’t need to be retrained every 4-5 years (like grad students) , every 2-3 years (like staff funded by specific grants) or every 4-5 months (like seasonal interns). Having a technician who earns a living wage with fringe benefits would stay long enough to build institutional memory for the lab that would ease transition between students, prevent instrument problems that stem from multiple, poorly trained users, and provide leadership.
Even better, if professional technician positions paid adequately and were well respected, it would provide alternative science jobs. I know many people who really like bench or field work and they see that having only a bachelor’s or master’s degree will likely keep them cycling through short-term jobs tied to funding cycles. No 401(k). No maternity leave or paid vacation. Lousy hourly wage. Who wants to stay in that long term? Who can afford to? So people either enroll in a PhD program or find a job away from the bench. What a shame. I suspect that that is how many people end up in high pressure, high responsibility jobs that they dislike because really what they wanted was to actually do the nuts and bolts work of science, not write proposals all the time.
More good science would get done if there were reliable and competent hands in the lab that don’t need to be retrained every 4-5 years (like grad students) , every 2-3 years (like staff funded by specific grants) or every 4-5 months (like seasonal interns). Having a technician who earns a living wage with fringe benefits would stay long enough to build institutional memory for the lab that would ease transition between students, prevent instrument problems that stem from multiple, poorly trained users, and provide leadership.
Even better, if professional technician positions paid adequately and were well respected, it would provide alternative science jobs. I know many people who really like bench or field work and they see that having only a bachelor’s or master’s degree will likely keep them cycling through short-term jobs tied to funding cycles. No 401(k). No maternity leave or paid vacation. Lousy hourly wage. Who wants to stay in that long term? Who can afford to? So people either enroll in a PhD program or find a job away from the bench. What a shame. I suspect that that is how many people end up in high pressure, high responsibility jobs that they dislike because really what they wanted was to actually do the nuts and bolts work of science, not write proposals all the time.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
sloppy?
On the local NPR station, they said the weather forecast for tomorrow is "sloppy". I don't think I like sloppy.
Seven Random Facts
I got tagged by ScienceMama for another meme. How's that for two memes in two days?
Seven Random Facts about EcoGeoFemme
1. I am a nail biter. It started when I was around 8 years old, not too long after I stopped sucking my thumb. A lifetime of oral fixation.
2. I have not lived outside of the midwest U.S. expect for the one semester I studied abroad in Europe. I have lived in several midwest cities, though. I might have the opportunity to move to Far Off Land where Ecogeoman is from, but I'd rather not.
3. When I was very young, my much older brothers and sisters would torment me in many creative ways, such as truly convincing me that I was adopted or telling me that I was really the oldest but I had a disease that stunted my growth so our parents told me I was the youngest to spare my feelings. I believed this (almost) for some time. I have not yet concluded what this teasing has contributed to my adult personality.
4. I like beer best of all the adult beverages, but I'm learning to like wine. I made an effort to develop a palate for beer, so now I can appreciate different flavors of different styles. We have some friends who are really into wine -- I'll go so far as to say that they are wine snobs -- who serve delicious wine when we go to their place. Sampling such lovely bottles has dramatically increased my interest in and enjoyment of wine. Now I just have to get a job so I can afford to like wine. I almost never drink spirits.
5. I like working in a lab because I don't have to deal with too many people. When I worked retail in high school and college, I just couldn't stand always being nice to people I didn't know and didn't care about. I was nice, but I didn't like it and would make fun of customers when they left. It's much better now that I see only the same dozen or so people every day.
6. I super love having my hair played with or my back scratched in that tickly, caressing way that mothers and significant others do.
7. I don't really like seeing live music that much. It's usually too loud. I've been to a few shows that have been really fun, but on the whole I avoid spending my money and time seeing bands perform.
Now I have to tag 7 people. I just tagged 8 people for yesterday's meme. I feel a little weird tagging so many people at once since I'm new to the blog game and I don't think many of these people read this blog and maybe don't do memes, but I'll suck it up and do it. I tag:
Propter Doc, Hypoglycemiagirl, Jenny F., CAE, Am I a Woman Scientist, and FemalCSgradstudent. and I'll tag Wayfarer Scientista back.
Rules:1- Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.2- Share 7 random and or weird things about yourself.3- Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.4- Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
Seven Random Facts about EcoGeoFemme
1. I am a nail biter. It started when I was around 8 years old, not too long after I stopped sucking my thumb. A lifetime of oral fixation.
2. I have not lived outside of the midwest U.S. expect for the one semester I studied abroad in Europe. I have lived in several midwest cities, though. I might have the opportunity to move to Far Off Land where Ecogeoman is from, but I'd rather not.
3. When I was very young, my much older brothers and sisters would torment me in many creative ways, such as truly convincing me that I was adopted or telling me that I was really the oldest but I had a disease that stunted my growth so our parents told me I was the youngest to spare my feelings. I believed this (almost) for some time. I have not yet concluded what this teasing has contributed to my adult personality.
4. I like beer best of all the adult beverages, but I'm learning to like wine. I made an effort to develop a palate for beer, so now I can appreciate different flavors of different styles. We have some friends who are really into wine -- I'll go so far as to say that they are wine snobs -- who serve delicious wine when we go to their place. Sampling such lovely bottles has dramatically increased my interest in and enjoyment of wine. Now I just have to get a job so I can afford to like wine. I almost never drink spirits.
5. I like working in a lab because I don't have to deal with too many people. When I worked retail in high school and college, I just couldn't stand always being nice to people I didn't know and didn't care about. I was nice, but I didn't like it and would make fun of customers when they left. It's much better now that I see only the same dozen or so people every day.
6. I super love having my hair played with or my back scratched in that tickly, caressing way that mothers and significant others do.
7. I don't really like seeing live music that much. It's usually too loud. I've been to a few shows that have been really fun, but on the whole I avoid spending my money and time seeing bands perform.
Now I have to tag 7 people. I just tagged 8 people for yesterday's meme. I feel a little weird tagging so many people at once since I'm new to the blog game and I don't think many of these people read this blog and maybe don't do memes, but I'll suck it up and do it. I tag:
Propter Doc, Hypoglycemiagirl, Jenny F., CAE, Am I a Woman Scientist, and FemalCSgradstudent. and I'll tag Wayfarer Scientista back.
Rules:1- Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.2- Share 7 random and or weird things about yourself.3- Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.4- Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Lists of 8 tag
Wayfarer Scientista tagged me for my very first meme, that requires 8 responses to several topics. Turns out, it’s a hard one. For most of these categories, I could quickly think of 4 or 5 things, but to come up with 8 was difficult. Like Wayfarer, mine are not in any order.
8 passions
1. my research subject. I believe all historical, political, and ecological phenomenon result from the thing I study.
2. my family and close friends
3. the complexity and elegance of nature
4. knitting, although my interest has waned lately
5. women-in-science issues, actually equality-for-women issues, although I have no formal training in women’s studies.
6. blogs, because of number 5 and because I like the community.
7. my relationship with ecogeoman
8. politics, especially environmental issues
8 things to do before I die
1. get married
2. have children
3. get a paper published
4. see a paper cited at least once
5. learn to enjoy a physical activity. I’d like to take up running or a sport long enough to start to like it.
6. live near my family
7. take a vacation that is not to visit anyone. To a beach. Not camping. When I have saved up for it so I’m not worried about money and will order all the pina coladas I want without feeling guilty about the credit card balance. Or taking off work.
8. take a class (like pottery or pilates) that results in new friends. This would be different for me because the friends would not be related to work in any way and would be an outcome of my initiative.
8 things I often say
1. Can you just …? For example, when ecogeoman is working later than I’d like, “can you just come home now?”
2. “Butt”, or replacing syllables in other words with “butt” as in abuttment rather than apartment. More often, butt gets inserted into people’s names.
3. b!tch a*s mother f**cker
4. dude
5. “Well” when I’m exasperated, but I pronounce it more like “wool”. Ecogeoman really makes fun of this.
6. “you’re so good” Always meant sincerely.
7. “enough is as good as a feast.” I think this more than I say it.
8. “and the other thing is…” My way of ranting or continuing a dying conversation.
8 books I recently read
1. Currently, A women of Independent Means by Elizabeth Forsythe Hailey
2. Started Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus by John Gray because I promised Awesome Technician I would, against my better judgment. I didn’t get past chapter 3.
3. Started The End of Faith by Sam Harris because I told Ecogeoman I would. I didn’t get past chapter 3.
4. Cold Sassy Tree by Olive Ann Burns
5. The Stranger by Albert Camus
6. The Botany of Desire by Michael Pollan
7. The Children’s Blizzard by David Laskin
8. Life and Death in Shanghai by Nien Cheng
8 songs that mean something to me
1. “Every Time You Go Away” by Paul Young because S3 and I decided it was “our song” when she was in college and I was a little kid. I would sob every time she left to go back to school after a break.
2. “No Rain” by Blind Melon because it’s my favorite song ever.
3. “You Are My Sunshine” because my mom used to sing it with my aunt when they were little kids. Since my aunt died, we all think of her when we hear that song.
4. Anything from Fashion Nugget by Cake, because for some reason I played it continuously my sophomore year of college.
5. “Manic Monday” by the Bangles because it was the first song I learned the lyrics for.
6. “Deacon Blues” by Steely Dan, because I used to argue that Steely Dan sucked with a very good friend who loved them and who died 18 months ago. Any Steely Dan song reminds me of him, but Deacon Blues is my least favorite and the one we debated most.
7. Any song on The Big Chill soundtrack, which S2 and I used to always listen and sing to, especially in the car.
8. “Bohemian Rhapsody” by Queen because it somehow ended up on nearly every mix cd I have.
8 qualities I look for in a friend
1. trustworthiness
2. intelligence
3. silly sense of humor
4. low maintenance
5. positive
6. non judgmental
7. not too materialistic
8. common interests
8 people who's blogs I enjoy and who may consider themselves tagged if they wish
1. A Cat Nap
2. A Mad Tea-Party
3. Everything and More
4. Just a Girl
5. Mother of All Scientists
6. Rising to the Occasion
7. The Bean Chronicles
8. Unbalanced Reaction
Sick Day
Warning: This post is a big whine.
I'm home sick today. I woke up yesterday with a sore throat, aches, and fever. I still had to drive the 5.5 hours home from my parents' house, which ended up taking 7.5 hours because it rained the whole way and we had to make extra stops to get tea for me, and then extra bathroom stops because of the extra tea. Ecogeoman doesn't drive in the U.S., so I couldn't sleep because I had to drive. When we got home, I went straight to bed with that kind of fever where you pile on four blankets and still have goosebumps. I'm feeling better today after 13 hours of sleep, but not well enough to go to work. Even though I really really wanted to get samples ready for the last bit of data I need for my talk.
Hopefully I'll be better tomorrow.
I'm home sick today. I woke up yesterday with a sore throat, aches, and fever. I still had to drive the 5.5 hours home from my parents' house, which ended up taking 7.5 hours because it rained the whole way and we had to make extra stops to get tea for me, and then extra bathroom stops because of the extra tea. Ecogeoman doesn't drive in the U.S., so I couldn't sleep because I had to drive. When we got home, I went straight to bed with that kind of fever where you pile on four blankets and still have goosebumps. I'm feeling better today after 13 hours of sleep, but not well enough to go to work. Even though I really really wanted to get samples ready for the last bit of data I need for my talk.
Hopefully I'll be better tomorrow.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Wait, what did you say you do?
We just got back from my high school reunion. It was surreal. I recognized most people but I forgot more names than I anticipated. And more people seemed to remember me than I expected. Sadly, most of the band kids didn't come, so I was stuck talking to people who weren't really my good friends. Anyway, what is relevant here is that I realized how weird my job sounds to lay people. I'm used to going to parties populated mostly by scientists so rather than asking what you do, they ask what you study. Tonight, it was sales people and bankers and teachers and such. My job was utterly strange sounding. Plus, I felt pretentious saying I was working on a PhD. It was the first time I felt self conscious describing my occupation. Usually I'm really proud of it.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
That Nagging Feeling
We're still in my hometown enjoying the holiday with my family. On Thursday there were something like 30 people at my sister's house for dinner, which was fun. Yesterday, I went S1, S2, S4, and B2 to see our uncle who has been sick and living in a retirement/assisted living/nursing home for a little over a year. It was a great visit. Afterwards, we went out for pizza at my favorite place which is only found in this city. Then a long day of hanging out with a variety of family, with people coming and going from S2's new house until midnight. Ecogeoman got to see a movie with S2's husband, which is his favorite leisure activity. A great day. Today we don't really have any plans until my high school reunion this evening.
So it has been a good holiday and I haven't done any work or really thought about work too much. But it's there. That little twinge of guilt, the little nagging feeling is just at the very back of my thoughts. I guess I should feel good that it's not looming near the front as it is for ecogeoman, who has been studying his work stuff all morning. I am pretty good at turning it off most of the time. When I get home from work, I usually leave it behind and do home stuff at home. And it works the other way too, where all but the biggest life problems are forgotten when I'm at the lab. But I know that I have a TON of work to do before the big meeting in December at which I am giving my first big oral presentation. I feel guilty that more isn't done already, that I won't make my (self-imposed) goals for the year, etc. I would feel equally guilty if I tried to work on my presentation here, since that's not what I am supposed to be doing over Thanksgiving. I wish I didn't carry this guilt and I wonder if people with other professional jobs have it as well. Certainly it's not exclusive to scientists, but I wonder if it is as strong in early stages of other careers as it is for us. I also wonder what's going to happen when (if) I have more responsibility, like children or my own lab.
Well, that's a downer. For the rest of the day, I'm just going to be thankful that I'm here, my parents are healthy, my family is happy, and ecogeoman is with me. And that I have something interesting to say about myself and something cute to wear and a boyfriend with a cool accent to bring to that high school reunion.
So it has been a good holiday and I haven't done any work or really thought about work too much. But it's there. That little twinge of guilt, the little nagging feeling is just at the very back of my thoughts. I guess I should feel good that it's not looming near the front as it is for ecogeoman, who has been studying his work stuff all morning. I am pretty good at turning it off most of the time. When I get home from work, I usually leave it behind and do home stuff at home. And it works the other way too, where all but the biggest life problems are forgotten when I'm at the lab. But I know that I have a TON of work to do before the big meeting in December at which I am giving my first big oral presentation. I feel guilty that more isn't done already, that I won't make my (self-imposed) goals for the year, etc. I would feel equally guilty if I tried to work on my presentation here, since that's not what I am supposed to be doing over Thanksgiving. I wish I didn't carry this guilt and I wonder if people with other professional jobs have it as well. Certainly it's not exclusive to scientists, but I wonder if it is as strong in early stages of other careers as it is for us. I also wonder what's going to happen when (if) I have more responsibility, like children or my own lab.
Well, that's a downer. For the rest of the day, I'm just going to be thankful that I'm here, my parents are healthy, my family is happy, and ecogeoman is with me. And that I have something interesting to say about myself and something cute to wear and a boyfriend with a cool accent to bring to that high school reunion.
My Thanksgiving Tradition
We’re off to another midwest city tomorrow to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I always enjoy the Thanksgiving break because it’s a long enough visit that I get to relax with my family; usually our trips there are so rushed. All but two of my six siblings will be there with seven of my thirteen nieces and nephews. Chaotic, but very fun.
I always spend the day after Thanksgiving with one particular sister (I think I will use Profgrrrl’s approach and number them by birth order, so this is S2). My mom always power shops for bargains, so starting when I was around ten years old, S2, who is fourteen years older than me, would take me out for the day. The first few years, we’d just go shopping. She’d take me to all the big malls that my mom wouldn’t typically bother with. Then when S2 became engaged, we’d go with her fiancé to see the Christmas displays and such. Then, when she had kids, we’d do something all together, then her husband would take the kids home and we’d go out shopping for the rest of the day. Sometimes another sister or our mom would join us for a while too. Now that my boyfriend is also there, it’s a different dynamic. It’s difficult to find something that all of us can enjoy, especially because S2 just really want s a break from mom duties, but boyfriend isn’t really much of a kid person so isn’t thrilled by hanging out with S2’s husband and kids all day. This year, S2’s family just moved into a new house so she’s super busy and overwhelmed. I offered to help unpack that day, which she seemed to like. We’ll probably spend the day at their new house, play some cards, order pizza, and maybe do some unpacking/organizing. A big break from our usual tradition, but fun nonetheless.
Addendum: Boyfriend (who will now be called ecogeoman) read this post and got upset that I wrote that he isn't a kid person. He really likes kids and in fact was looking forward to spending the day with S2's family. My bad.
I always spend the day after Thanksgiving with one particular sister (I think I will use Profgrrrl’s approach and number them by birth order, so this is S2). My mom always power shops for bargains, so starting when I was around ten years old, S2, who is fourteen years older than me, would take me out for the day. The first few years, we’d just go shopping. She’d take me to all the big malls that my mom wouldn’t typically bother with. Then when S2 became engaged, we’d go with her fiancé to see the Christmas displays and such. Then, when she had kids, we’d do something all together, then her husband would take the kids home and we’d go out shopping for the rest of the day. Sometimes another sister or our mom would join us for a while too. Now that my boyfriend is also there, it’s a different dynamic. It’s difficult to find something that all of us can enjoy, especially because S2 just really want s a break from mom duties, but boyfriend isn’t really much of a kid person so isn’t thrilled by hanging out with S2’s husband and kids all day. This year, S2’s family just moved into a new house so she’s super busy and overwhelmed. I offered to help unpack that day, which she seemed to like. We’ll probably spend the day at their new house, play some cards, order pizza, and maybe do some unpacking/organizing. A big break from our usual tradition, but fun nonetheless.
Addendum: Boyfriend (who will now be called ecogeoman) read this post and got upset that I wrote that he isn't a kid person. He really likes kids and in fact was looking forward to spending the day with S2's family. My bad.
Monday, November 19, 2007
Dream Jobs
Yesterday was a busy but fun day. We went to two dinner parties (one was at lunch time) and played Cranium at both. What fun.
Anyway, one of the parties was hosted by someone from my boyfriend’s work. Recall that he is also a grad student in a related field, so all but one person at this dinner was in science. We got to talking about dream jobs. Everyone was shocked when this one man who is a superstar young PI said that if he could do anything at all he would be a fiction writer. We were all like, so write! Why don’t you just write in your free time? He said that he didn’t think he could be successful, that there are so very, very many aspiring writers and so few who are prosperous novelists or screenwriters. I thought it was so interesting that this guy who has a very good career at a very well respected institution would be turned off by a profession because it is too competitive. Aren’t we all saying that science is too competitive all the time?
For the record, my top five dream jobs are, in no particular order:
- Broadway dancer
- Voiceover actor
- Synchronized swimmer
- Scientist
- Financial advisor
I also have a list of realistic Plan B dream jobs in case I can’t get or don’t want a job as a research scientist when the time comes. But those won’t get identified on this blog. :)
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Frustration!
The first chapter of my dissertation involves this very cool dataset that is comprised of data from archived samples going back twenty years. I have been working with these data for the last four years and still have not finalized the story. There is always one more thing to check, one more group of samples that turn up and need to be analyzed, or more way to look at the results. It’s so frustrating. I thought I finally had it all sorted out, but there was a glaring ambiguity that was somewhat disquieting. However, I thought there was nothing I could do about it so I was ready to start working on the manuscript. Then another set of samples were discovered, so I analyzed them and got the data back today. Guess what. The f’ing ambiguity still exists. The new numbers didn’t help much at all. I wouldn’t care so much (the data are the data), but there is one really important conclusion that I can either make or not make. I need to be convinced that the data support one story over the other before I can persuade anyone else. This dataset eventually will be included in a meta-analysis or synthesis of some kind (hopefully) which will then influence policy (hopefully). I really want to feel confident in my conclusion because I think this is an important study.
I will talk to my advisor about it on Monday. That will help me feel secure about however we decide to discuss the results, but she’s not going to offer some new idea to solve the problem. We’re out of options.
Phooey.
I will talk to my advisor about it on Monday. That will help me feel secure about however we decide to discuss the results, but she’s not going to offer some new idea to solve the problem. We’re out of options.
Phooey.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Question
Do people in your real life know you blog? If not, do you ever talk about blog content? I talk about the blogs I read but in a vague way. I'll say things like, "I read somewhere..." or "I heard someone say..." It's funny because I would rather have Bloggers know my real identity than have Real Life People know my blog identity. Except for my boyfriend. He knows both.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Jokes
Lately I have been hearing these funny tv and radio commercials that encourage people to replace incandescent lightbulbs with the compact fluorescent kind. They all have several "how many X does it take to change a light bulb" jokes in a row. I like the one that asks how many body builders it takes. The answer is 5, one to change it and four to tell him he's huuuuuuuuuuge. But my favorite is: How many grad students does it take to change a light bulb? The answer is: One, but it takes him 8 years and when he finished he's not sure why he wanted to do it anyway. Of course I feel slightly degraded by it, but it's nice to have your thing on the radio. And it's funny.
Do you know any good grad student/scientist/adacemic jokes?
Do you know any good grad student/scientist/adacemic jokes?
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Leadership
A coworker (who will be called Awesome Technician from now on) went to a leadership seminar yesterday and told me all about it because I couldn’t go. The subject was giving and receiving feedback. Our lab really struggles with this. I don’t think I could understate how non-confrontational people here are, especially those in charge. While it’s nice to not be scolded or put down all the time, sometimes it is important to notify each other of problems. We mostly get along famously, but when there are issues, the passive aggressive nature of these non-confrontational personalities leads to an undercurrent of discomfort for everyone.
There were two main messages Awesome Technician conveyed to me from the class. The first, and most surprising, was that you should not give positive and negative feedback at the same time. Surprising since many people think it’s best to try to say something nice before delivering criticism. Doing this devalues the positive and makes is seem not genuine. Also, the receiver cannot enjoy the positive and in future feedback situations expects the positive to be followed with a “but”. Additionally, it can be confusing as in, “you just said I was doing great and now you’re saying I suck”. The second point was that positive feedback sounds more sincere if it is specific. Rather than, “you’re doing well”, say “you really improved your technique on procedure X”. Awesome Technician thought this was intuitive but I didn’t.
Awesome Technician and I work together a lot and frequently supervise interns together. It will be interesting to see if I can detect her using the suggestions from the class either with me or with our next intern.
I think that leadership skills are often lacking in PIs. The skills that are selected for through the post doc level do not necessarily overlap with the skills necessary to be a good leader/manager (i.e., PI). In fact, the skills of a bench scientist may even be counter to those needed by a manager. There are more leadership classes available from our HR department that I might try to take, since I’d like to be proficient at my job even after I’m away from the bench.
There were two main messages Awesome Technician conveyed to me from the class. The first, and most surprising, was that you should not give positive and negative feedback at the same time. Surprising since many people think it’s best to try to say something nice before delivering criticism. Doing this devalues the positive and makes is seem not genuine. Also, the receiver cannot enjoy the positive and in future feedback situations expects the positive to be followed with a “but”. Additionally, it can be confusing as in, “you just said I was doing great and now you’re saying I suck”. The second point was that positive feedback sounds more sincere if it is specific. Rather than, “you’re doing well”, say “you really improved your technique on procedure X”. Awesome Technician thought this was intuitive but I didn’t.
Awesome Technician and I work together a lot and frequently supervise interns together. It will be interesting to see if I can detect her using the suggestions from the class either with me or with our next intern.
I think that leadership skills are often lacking in PIs. The skills that are selected for through the post doc level do not necessarily overlap with the skills necessary to be a good leader/manager (i.e., PI). In fact, the skills of a bench scientist may even be counter to those needed by a manager. There are more leadership classes available from our HR department that I might try to take, since I’d like to be proficient at my job even after I’m away from the bench.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Passion or lack thereof
My boyfriend and I were talking about our relative passion for our work. He is a grad student in the same department as me but we are in different (sub)fields. I expressed my concern that because I am not consumed with desire for my research, I may not be so successful in a research career. I often envy how motivated he is; he is deeply driven, almost obsessed with wanting to understand everything possible about his subject. He kind of surprised me today by saying that this is partly because he feels like he has to justify the importance of his work. The value and necessity of my research area is obvious, while he feels he must constantly explain why taxpayer money should pay for what he does. He feels he must work inexhaustibly to find material that is broadly interesting (i.e., beyond a handful of specialists). This also means there are fewer jobs for people like him because there’s less money for what he does. He feels like he has to be a rock star because there’s so much competition for those few jobs. I worry about getting a job too, but it’s true that there are more positions in my field than his. I’m not sure if there are more newly minted PhDs each year though. The competition is probably worse for him.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Struggling with ambition
I was just out for beers with some science friends and initiated a conversation inspired by Female Science Professor's recent posts on ambition. One friend is a post doc who is applying for jobs and is rather down about it. He also really, really likes beer. Scientists will often say that they are lucky because their hobby is their job, but for this person, science is his job and beer is his hobby. So I asked if he thought he would be happier working as a beer buyer or opening his own bar. After some consideration, his answer was an emphatic yes. However, he said he would never actually pursue that type of job because he would feel too guilty leaving science. He felt he owed it to his PhD and post doc advisors to stay in science. Then he added up all the money taxpayers had spent educating him via stipends, fellowships, and research funds and said he owed it to America to be a scientist. I countered that the publications he generated during his PhD fulfilled his obligation and that he had made no long term commitment for the money he had received (unlike say, an M.D. who agrees to work in rural areas in exchange for med school tuition). He was unconvinced.
Even more interesting, when I described FSP's post about ambition and the narrow definition of success for PhDs, this guy agreed that he felt that his ambition of teaching at a small university was not so respected. He said that he would feel successful if he "reached" just one student. When asked how he would know he had reached someone, he said that the best evidence would be if they chose a career like his. So it's just like the faculty at R1s! Everybody wants their students to be just like them. This guy wants to be like the professor who most influenced him at the small university he attended and his dream is to influence another student in the same way.
One important point I'd like to make is that these issues of ambition and such affect men in science too. My male scientist friends suffer from imposter complexes and feel like they are no good sometimes, just like us women. It's the lucky few who can escape the negativity and pressure.
Even more interesting, when I described FSP's post about ambition and the narrow definition of success for PhDs, this guy agreed that he felt that his ambition of teaching at a small university was not so respected. He said that he would feel successful if he "reached" just one student. When asked how he would know he had reached someone, he said that the best evidence would be if they chose a career like his. So it's just like the faculty at R1s! Everybody wants their students to be just like them. This guy wants to be like the professor who most influenced him at the small university he attended and his dream is to influence another student in the same way.
One important point I'd like to make is that these issues of ambition and such affect men in science too. My male scientist friends suffer from imposter complexes and feel like they are no good sometimes, just like us women. It's the lucky few who can escape the negativity and pressure.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
The happy scientist?
I thought I would write about why I titled my new blog The Happy Scientist. Inspiration for it came from conversations with friends, especially my boyfriend, and from other blogs, good recent examples of which are posts like this and this and the comments in this.
One of my interests in sciencey blogs is that I want to explore what makes a happy scientist, particularly one who is female. Many people appear to love their research but not love their jobs. Some will say they love their jobs, but I wonder if they actually do. Yes, they like a flexible schedule (60 hour work weeks), investigating interesting hypotheses (no gratification for months on end), and independence (not getting a decent paying job until age 35). It seems that everyone really wants to love her science job because she loves science so much, but it’s hard. Of course there are many exceptions.
Since I became aware of how things work in academia/government labs, I have felt that I am joining the system, therefore it is partly mine. That means that I can take part in shaping the trajectory of how it changes, namely making it more inclusive to women and other underrepresented groups. Recently though, I'm starting to think that maybe I'd be happier if I took my PhD (when I get it) and did something else. I really enjoy research. I like asking questions and exploring answers. In particular, I like knowing how the world works. Nature is so elegant. But the system for doing Science is not and I'm starting to wonder if I can change it enough to be happy in that system. All along I have envisioned myself working at a government lab or university doing research. Lately, however, I have given some thought to something a little more applied. There are some cool consulting kinds of things that could be done with the expertise I have. That is appealing because it would be solving real problems in real time and it might be easier to have a family with such a job. The thought of not doing research is a little sad though. I have been operating under the assumption that eventually, I will become a leader in the research community I've been courting for the last seven years. It's unsatisfying to let that drop. And it makes me feel like I’d be giving up. There’s that guilt again!
This little self exploration was stimulated by some set backs in my research (it’s so damn hard to finish anything) and by me thinking about why I want to blog. I’m sure I’ll change my tune soon enough, but it’s good to talk out one’s negative feelings from time to time. Then hopefully they don’t take over.
One of my interests in sciencey blogs is that I want to explore what makes a happy scientist, particularly one who is female. Many people appear to love their research but not love their jobs. Some will say they love their jobs, but I wonder if they actually do. Yes, they like a flexible schedule (60 hour work weeks), investigating interesting hypotheses (no gratification for months on end), and independence (not getting a decent paying job until age 35). It seems that everyone really wants to love her science job because she loves science so much, but it’s hard. Of course there are many exceptions.
Since I became aware of how things work in academia/government labs, I have felt that I am joining the system, therefore it is partly mine. That means that I can take part in shaping the trajectory of how it changes, namely making it more inclusive to women and other underrepresented groups. Recently though, I'm starting to think that maybe I'd be happier if I took my PhD (when I get it) and did something else. I really enjoy research. I like asking questions and exploring answers. In particular, I like knowing how the world works. Nature is so elegant. But the system for doing Science is not and I'm starting to wonder if I can change it enough to be happy in that system. All along I have envisioned myself working at a government lab or university doing research. Lately, however, I have given some thought to something a little more applied. There are some cool consulting kinds of things that could be done with the expertise I have. That is appealing because it would be solving real problems in real time and it might be easier to have a family with such a job. The thought of not doing research is a little sad though. I have been operating under the assumption that eventually, I will become a leader in the research community I've been courting for the last seven years. It's unsatisfying to let that drop. And it makes me feel like I’d be giving up. There’s that guilt again!
This little self exploration was stimulated by some set backs in my research (it’s so damn hard to finish anything) and by me thinking about why I want to blog. I’m sure I’ll change my tune soon enough, but it’s good to talk out one’s negative feelings from time to time. Then hopefully they don’t take over.
And...
I forgot to mention that the biggest reason I like the task described below is that it's the last step before I get data. My work involves obtaining samples then spending a very long time working with them, months or longer, before I get numbers. Makes that tedious little job all the more exciting.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Working on the weekend
I'm working on a Saturday. I dislike working on weekends because I believe I shouldn't have to. I try really hard to shake the guilt that comes with working banker hours, but it still creeps up sometimes. Currently, I'm desperate to finish something (anything!) so I've been working every weekend. At least today I won't be here for so long and I'm working on my very favorite task. It involves doing the same little tiny movements again and again, but I get to sit in a comfortable seat, listen to streaming broadcast of my favorite NPR shows, and it has an obvious end. Plus I get to race myself which is a surefire way to boost my efficiency and make me feel like I got something done.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Finally
After more than a year of commenting incessantly on other people's blogs, I finally have a blog of my own. At first I didn't start a blog because I didn't feel like I had anything unique to say. Eventually, I decided that I actually do have something to contribute to the conversation. I think my position is uncommon and maybe even a little inspiring: I am a member of two labs, each populated with70% women. I have a female research advisor who I adore and a male academic/research advisor who I like and appreciate. I am not bitter. But the more I learn the ins-and-outs of how the system works, the more reservations I have about my proposed career path.
I have come to really enjoy the blog community in which I have been lurking. I almost exclusively read women scientists and academics. It's so interesting to get such candid insight from people I would probably never interact with otherwise, either because of differences in research subject or status. They have provided adjunct mentorship, inspiration, outrage, comedy, and lots of fodder for conversation between my boyfriend and me. Now I want to join the club. And it never hurts to write more.
I have come to really enjoy the blog community in which I have been lurking. I almost exclusively read women scientists and academics. It's so interesting to get such candid insight from people I would probably never interact with otherwise, either because of differences in research subject or status. They have provided adjunct mentorship, inspiration, outrage, comedy, and lots of fodder for conversation between my boyfriend and me. Now I want to join the club. And it never hurts to write more.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)