The happy scientist?

I thought I would write about why I titled my new blog The Happy Scientist. Inspiration for it came from conversations with friends, especially my boyfriend, and from other blogs, good recent examples of which are posts like this and this and the comments in this.

One of my interests in sciencey blogs is that I want to explore what makes a happy scientist, particularly one who is female. Many people appear to love their research but not love their jobs. Some will say they love their jobs, but I wonder if they actually do. Yes, they like a flexible schedule (60 hour work weeks), investigating interesting hypotheses (no gratification for months on end), and independence (not getting a decent paying job until age 35). It seems that everyone really wants to love her science job because she loves science so much, but it’s hard. Of course there are many exceptions.

Since I became aware of how things work in academia/government labs, I have felt that I am joining the system, therefore it is partly mine. That means that I can take part in shaping the trajectory of how it changes, namely making it more inclusive to women and other underrepresented groups. Recently though, I'm starting to think that maybe I'd be happier if I took my PhD (when I get it) and did something else. I really enjoy research. I like asking questions and exploring answers. In particular, I like knowing how the world works. Nature is so elegant. But the system for doing Science is not and I'm starting to wonder if I can change it enough to be happy in that system. All along I have envisioned myself working at a government lab or university doing research. Lately, however, I have given some thought to something a little more applied. There are some cool consulting kinds of things that could be done with the expertise I have. That is appealing because it would be solving real problems in real time and it might be easier to have a family with such a job. The thought of not doing research is a little sad though. I have been operating under the assumption that eventually, I will become a leader in the research community I've been courting for the last seven years. It's unsatisfying to let that drop. And it makes me feel like I’d be giving up. There’s that guilt again!

This little self exploration was stimulated by some set backs in my research (it’s so damn hard to finish anything) and by me thinking about why I want to blog. I’m sure I’ll change my tune soon enough, but it’s good to talk out one’s negative feelings from time to time. Then hopefully they don’t take over.