Struggling with ambition

I was just out for beers with some science friends and initiated a conversation inspired by Female Science Professor's recent posts on ambition. One friend is a post doc who is applying for jobs and is rather down about it. He also really, really likes beer. Scientists will often say that they are lucky because their hobby is their job, but for this person, science is his job and beer is his hobby. So I asked if he thought he would be happier working as a beer buyer or opening his own bar. After some consideration, his answer was an emphatic yes. However, he said he would never actually pursue that type of job because he would feel too guilty leaving science. He felt he owed it to his PhD and post doc advisors to stay in science. Then he added up all the money taxpayers had spent educating him via stipends, fellowships, and research funds and said he owed it to America to be a scientist. I countered that the publications he generated during his PhD fulfilled his obligation and that he had made no long term commitment for the money he had received (unlike say, an M.D. who agrees to work in rural areas in exchange for med school tuition). He was unconvinced.

Even more interesting, when I described FSP's post about ambition and the narrow definition of success for PhDs, this guy agreed that he felt that his ambition of teaching at a small university was not so respected. He said that he would feel successful if he "reached" just one student. When asked how he would know he had reached someone, he said that the best evidence would be if they chose a career like his. So it's just like the faculty at R1s! Everybody wants their students to be just like them. This guy wants to be like the professor who most influenced him at the small university he attended and his dream is to influence another student in the same way.

One important point I'd like to make is that these issues of ambition and such affect men in science too. My male scientist friends suffer from imposter complexes and feel like they are no good sometimes, just like us women. It's the lucky few who can escape the negativity and pressure.