I'm late to the party, but I want to write on Candid Engineer's Scientiae topic, overcoming challenges. So far, the most challenging thing I've had to do in grad school is assemble and meet with my committee. I think that sounds pretty lame since it's an integral part of doing a PhD, but the process of building my committee hit an irrational nerve (subject for another post) that had me nervous for weeks.
I know part of a professor's job is to serve on thesis committees. Some of them even like doing it. But everybody always seems so busy all the time, and I really hate the guilty feeling that comes with the notion of wasting someone's time. I think really the problem stemmed from the fact that there weren't many faculty for me to choose from. Thus I had to ask people whose interests don't overlap much with mine, which means I have a committee partially populated* by people who don't really get what I do, don't have a whole lot to offer, won't get a whole lot from me, and don't know me all that well. It makes me dread my meetings with them, and it makes the meetings a lot less pleasant than they should be because it takes so much effort to get anything done.
I have learned from this though. There have been several subsequent occasions where I've had to ask people to help me with something in a way not completely different from my thesis committee. I'm happy to report that I was much more confident, the interactions went better, and I actually enjoyed the experience of having a reason to talk science with some different people. So I may not have overcome the challenge directly with my committee, but I did overcome my fear and inhibition. I'd say I even learned a skill, and now I'm much more comfortable dealing with the interpersonal parts of doing science. I'm still trying to find a way to get out of my next committee meeting, but I'm excited by some new relationships that have recently developed. Yet another reason I can't wait to graduate!
*Of course, I do have my two advisors who are both great. Plus an outside committee member who is great but also very far away and s/he doesn't know me all that well.
scientiae-carnival
Showing posts with label self exploration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self exploration. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Numbers are hard
I am a visual person. I understand most concepts by picturing them somehow. Sometimes the image is very literal and sometimes it's a more symbolic representation of a concept. My brain has has not, however, learned how to visualize numbers in a conceptual way. It makes life as a scientist difficult at times.
When I think of a number, I picture it -- written on a page, as a puffy helium balloon, as a tick label on a graph axis. Some of the numbers that have similar shapes, like 3, 6, and 8 get kind of muddled up. Same with 1, 7, and 9. I have heard some people say that they assign colors or genders to numbers and that helps keep them sorted. I can kind of relate to this because my brain loads some words with an unrelated sound in a way that's difficult to explain, but helps me process and remember words. I think this might be a very mild form of the intriguing phenomenon synesthesia, which is "a neurologically based phenomenon in which stimulation of one sensory or cognitive pathway leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second sensory or cognitive pathway." I think I first heard about synestheisa when FSP described her perception of letters in color, which sounds just amazing.
Unfortunately, I confront numbers in my work every single day. Tables can be challenging. I frequently mentally convert entries in a table to bar graphs in order to compare values. It can be a little embarrassing because I seldom remember important numbers from my own research. Someone will ask, "how fast did x process occur?" and I will have to picture one of my figures with enough resolution to see the axis. I usually have to check my notes before I can give a reliable answer. Only the simplest values or the ones that I read/write the most often get stored long-term, but they are usually saved by rote memorization and lose their meaning.
Interestingly, I really like math. I like that nature can be described with numbers and mathematical concepts. My difficulty remembering numbers is not part of a larger problem with math or learning. Just memorizing. When I was little, I had a really hard time mastering my times tables and so everyone thought I'd be lousy at math, but once I got to algebra I rocked out.
It's funny how you can learn to deal with your weaknesses. I think it's also important to remember that just because someone has a specific weakness does not mean they can't handle a larger challenge. And that something that seems really important at one stage, like learning multiplication tables, quickly becomes small potatoes. I think I'll try to remember that as I struggle with writing my dissertation.
When I think of a number, I picture it -- written on a page, as a puffy helium balloon, as a tick label on a graph axis. Some of the numbers that have similar shapes, like 3, 6, and 8 get kind of muddled up. Same with 1, 7, and 9. I have heard some people say that they assign colors or genders to numbers and that helps keep them sorted. I can kind of relate to this because my brain loads some words with an unrelated sound in a way that's difficult to explain, but helps me process and remember words. I think this might be a very mild form of the intriguing phenomenon synesthesia, which is "a neurologically based phenomenon in which stimulation of one sensory or cognitive pathway leads to automatic, involuntary experiences in a second sensory or cognitive pathway." I think I first heard about synestheisa when FSP described her perception of letters in color, which sounds just amazing.
Unfortunately, I confront numbers in my work every single day. Tables can be challenging. I frequently mentally convert entries in a table to bar graphs in order to compare values. It can be a little embarrassing because I seldom remember important numbers from my own research. Someone will ask, "how fast did x process occur?" and I will have to picture one of my figures with enough resolution to see the axis. I usually have to check my notes before I can give a reliable answer. Only the simplest values or the ones that I read/write the most often get stored long-term, but they are usually saved by rote memorization and lose their meaning.
Interestingly, I really like math. I like that nature can be described with numbers and mathematical concepts. My difficulty remembering numbers is not part of a larger problem with math or learning. Just memorizing. When I was little, I had a really hard time mastering my times tables and so everyone thought I'd be lousy at math, but once I got to algebra I rocked out.
It's funny how you can learn to deal with your weaknesses. I think it's also important to remember that just because someone has a specific weakness does not mean they can't handle a larger challenge. And that something that seems really important at one stage, like learning multiplication tables, quickly becomes small potatoes. I think I'll try to remember that as I struggle with writing my dissertation.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Finding your bee-people
While we're on the subject of fitting in, did you feel a little like this when you first discovered your science? When you first learned people actually devoted their lives to studying the thing that had long fascinated you but that you may not have even known had a name?
I really like this video and the song happens to be my all time favorite.
I really like this video and the song happens to be my all time favorite.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
In competition
Ecogeoman and I are in competition for the same grant. It's one of the ones I wrote about last week -- just a tiny proposal for a small amount of money. It's a university award so it's not super prestigious or anything.
The situation has the potential to be a little awkward or even conflict-inducing. Academic egos bruise so easily; I could imagine one of us feeling humiliated or marginalized if one of us was successful and the other not. So far we've been pretty healthy about it. Last week EGM made really helpful comments on my proposal and today I helped improve his. We promised that we would just be happy if either one of us got funded. We decided we would focus on the success and not take away from the winner's happiness by dwelling on the failure. We also figure we should be happy if some money comes to our household, even if it means one of us gets it at the other's expense. This is all hypothetical, of course, since odds are neither one of us will be successful.
This situation is not a big deal, but it is a taste of things to come. Soon enough we'll be facing a tricky two-body job search where one of us will probably have to give in to the dreams of the other, or one of us will be more successful than the other. That success might be restricted to the job search, or it might characterize our entire careers. I think it's important for us to discuss such possibilities in advance to bolster our relationship in preparation for the uncomfortable situations that we're likely to confront.
The situation has the potential to be a little awkward or even conflict-inducing. Academic egos bruise so easily; I could imagine one of us feeling humiliated or marginalized if one of us was successful and the other not. So far we've been pretty healthy about it. Last week EGM made really helpful comments on my proposal and today I helped improve his. We promised that we would just be happy if either one of us got funded. We decided we would focus on the success and not take away from the winner's happiness by dwelling on the failure. We also figure we should be happy if some money comes to our household, even if it means one of us gets it at the other's expense. This is all hypothetical, of course, since odds are neither one of us will be successful.
This situation is not a big deal, but it is a taste of things to come. Soon enough we'll be facing a tricky two-body job search where one of us will probably have to give in to the dreams of the other, or one of us will be more successful than the other. That success might be restricted to the job search, or it might characterize our entire careers. I think it's important for us to discuss such possibilities in advance to bolster our relationship in preparation for the uncomfortable situations that we're likely to confront.
Monday, September 29, 2008
Would you eat a ...?
Suppose you are a life/earth scientist on some kind of field expedition. Some calamity occurs that leaves you stranded without food. You are forced to gather and hunt for resources. Let's say that the ecosystem where you are stranded is not very productive, so there are few wild food options in low abundances. You have no indication of when help will come -- you could be rescued tomorrow or maybe not at all. I won't define your group size, i.e. if you are alone or with colleagues.
Would you eat an endangered species to stay alive?
What if it were your study organism?
What if you knew no one would ever find out?
Would you eat an endangered species to stay alive?
What if it were your study organism?
What if you knew no one would ever find out?
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Consistency is my saving grace
At least, that's my perception. I don't like binge working followed by periods of slacking off. A major theme of this blog is that I believe working at a consistent, sustainable pace is best.
Today reinforced this ethic. I worked a whole bunch of hours last week and I had a great, work-free weekend as a reward. Today I had a doctor's appointment (no big deal, just my annual Lady Inspection which they didn't end up doing because it hasn't been quite a year since my last one) so I stayed home. It was impractical for me to drive to my normal workplace, but I could have gone to campus, since my appointment was at the university health center. I rationalized that I never get anything done there ; I'm there so infrequently that I spend the whole time catching up with people and running errands. But I know that the real reason was lurking in the back of my mind: I worked extra hard last week, so I deserve a day to loaf around. To clarify, I would not have just taken a spontaneous day off for this reason, but since half the day was going to be at the doctor anyway...you know the rest.
This is the trouble when I put in extra time. There's a backlash. Like the writing book says, only a fool rewards writing with a break from writing and I think it's the same with all the rest of our work. I'm a tortoise, not a hare.
Today reinforced this ethic. I worked a whole bunch of hours last week and I had a great, work-free weekend as a reward. Today I had a doctor's appointment (no big deal, just my annual Lady Inspection which they didn't end up doing because it hasn't been quite a year since my last one) so I stayed home. It was impractical for me to drive to my normal workplace, but I could have gone to campus, since my appointment was at the university health center. I rationalized that I never get anything done there ; I'm there so infrequently that I spend the whole time catching up with people and running errands. But I know that the real reason was lurking in the back of my mind: I worked extra hard last week, so I deserve a day to loaf around. To clarify, I would not have just taken a spontaneous day off for this reason, but since half the day was going to be at the doctor anyway...you know the rest.
This is the trouble when I put in extra time. There's a backlash. Like the writing book says, only a fool rewards writing with a break from writing and I think it's the same with all the rest of our work. I'm a tortoise, not a hare.
Monday, September 1, 2008
Blogging for writing's sake
I started blogging for a variety of reasons. One of my hopes was that regular blog writing would improve the quality of my professional writing. When I started this blog, I was mostly working at the bench. I knew, though, that I would soon be focusing some of my efforts on manuscripts so I wanted to get some writing practice.
It’s difficult to measure improvement in writing, especially one’s own. Unfortunately, I don’t think blogging has helped me that much. I write my posts somewhat quickly and while I read over them before I publish, I don’t spend any time really editing (that’s probably obvious from my frequent spelling errors and run on sentences).
However, I do think blogging has removed some of the mystique surrounding writing. Each time I post, I’m submitting a piece of writing to whoever wants to read it. That has made me a little less nervous about presenting my work for review by advisors and colleagues. In addition, I think I feel less block overall. Blogging is something I choose to do because I like it, not because I feel like I have to for any reason. Sometimes when I decide to write about something, it’s a little hard to start. I have to get over it though because I really want to write my little bloggy essay. I’ve learned that I just have to get a sentence down and it will usually flow from there. More importantly, I’ve learned that any sentence can be changed. Even if everything sucks at first, I can improve it (althoughusually sometimes it continues to suck). I’ve tried really hard to apply that same approach to my science writing to get me over the inertia of starting.
Someone else recently posted something on this topic and got me thinking about it. I would like to link to that blog, but for the life of me I can’t remember where the post was. I guess that’s the problem with reading two weeks’ worth of posts in a few days.
It’s difficult to measure improvement in writing, especially one’s own. Unfortunately, I don’t think blogging has helped me that much. I write my posts somewhat quickly and while I read over them before I publish, I don’t spend any time really editing (that’s probably obvious from my frequent spelling errors and run on sentences).
However, I do think blogging has removed some of the mystique surrounding writing. Each time I post, I’m submitting a piece of writing to whoever wants to read it. That has made me a little less nervous about presenting my work for review by advisors and colleagues. In addition, I think I feel less block overall. Blogging is something I choose to do because I like it, not because I feel like I have to for any reason. Sometimes when I decide to write about something, it’s a little hard to start. I have to get over it though because I really want to write my little bloggy essay. I’ve learned that I just have to get a sentence down and it will usually flow from there. More importantly, I’ve learned that any sentence can be changed. Even if everything sucks at first, I can improve it (although
Someone else recently posted something on this topic and got me thinking about it. I would like to link to that blog, but for the life of me I can’t remember where the post was. I guess that’s the problem with reading two weeks’ worth of posts in a few days.
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Meeting notes
Oh my, have I been dragging my heels about posting my experience at the Big Meeting last week. I have been thinking about all the things I want to share, so this post is a little rambly and I might write more later. Plus I'm so excited about some of it that I've wanted to work rather than blog. So out of character!
First of all, thank you for all the well-wishes before I left. My talk went reasonably well, I think. Not outstanding, but not a flop. I felt very lucky because I was in one of the few rooms that was an appropriate size for the attendance at my session (most sessions were in rooms that were pratically empty or had people sitting on the floor in the aisles). While I was speaking, I noticed that the audience was very still and quiet. I took this as a good sign, since people tend to get fidgety if they are bored during a 20 min presentation (rather than falling asleep in that short time).
As for the science, I saw some good talks and posters, but no standouts that really blew me away. There a few clunkers, but mostly what I saw was solid but not ground breaking. Where I really benefitted was the networking.
When people asked about my timeline, I was able to say I'd be graduating soonish and I am starting to think abut post doc opportunities, so hopefully I'm on the radar for some labs. I think a few people might be interested, but it's still a little far off. I also tried to talk up a new experiment that my research group has recently established, the kind where we do the most central aspects of the research and others come from elsewhere to use the study site to perform related work in a somewhat synergistic way. I think at least one person will be contacting Research Advisor about a possible collaboration. I also had an idea for a symposium that I think I'm going to propose with a grad-student friend. Everyone I have suggested it to has encouraged us to pursue it, so I feel really excited. It will be a lot of work and it will probably get rejected, but it makes me feel really good to have come up with something that people think is a good idea.
This meeting is by far the most fun of all the big meetings I typically attend (it's rivaled by a small, biannual meeting that's my favorite). I always come away feeling super exhausted, yet energized by the connections I make both to new people and to new ideas. I ended up staying out till between 12 and 3 am every night, then getting up between 7 and 8 am each day. I have made some good friends with people I see at meetings year after year and then we introduce each other to new people each time. It has become easier for me since it doesn't take as much effort to meet everyone new for the first time, but it remains fresh. Still, I was postively wiped out by the end and pretty much slept and slothed all weekend.
One thing I have learned about myself is that although I'm pretty outgoing, I'm not really an extrovert. It takes a lot of energy for me to interact with so many people so intensely. I really enjoy it and the experience invigorates my work, but I don't feel like I obtain energy from the people time. I often think how difficult meetings must be for really shy people. It would really be a challenge to get the most out of a meeting if it was hard to talk to new people.
Oh, and I got to briefly meet Addy N. We didn't make a plan for meeting up, but she had told me her name when we emailed about the possibility of meeting, so I checked out her website for a photo. I was just standing talking to a friend when I looked up and recognized her. It was very cool to meet her and D., but too bad we didn't get to hang out more.
In other news, I had a great meeting with Academic Advisor about that paper I blogged about months ago. He suggested some relatively straightfoward changes, some of which I did right away and get this: he commented on my changes right away too! He says he thinks it's nearly ready, so cross your fingers that Research Advisor will agree when she reads it.
First of all, thank you for all the well-wishes before I left. My talk went reasonably well, I think. Not outstanding, but not a flop. I felt very lucky because I was in one of the few rooms that was an appropriate size for the attendance at my session (most sessions were in rooms that were pratically empty or had people sitting on the floor in the aisles). While I was speaking, I noticed that the audience was very still and quiet. I took this as a good sign, since people tend to get fidgety if they are bored during a 20 min presentation (rather than falling asleep in that short time).
As for the science, I saw some good talks and posters, but no standouts that really blew me away. There a few clunkers, but mostly what I saw was solid but not ground breaking. Where I really benefitted was the networking.
When people asked about my timeline, I was able to say I'd be graduating soonish and I am starting to think abut post doc opportunities, so hopefully I'm on the radar for some labs. I think a few people might be interested, but it's still a little far off. I also tried to talk up a new experiment that my research group has recently established, the kind where we do the most central aspects of the research and others come from elsewhere to use the study site to perform related work in a somewhat synergistic way. I think at least one person will be contacting Research Advisor about a possible collaboration. I also had an idea for a symposium that I think I'm going to propose with a grad-student friend. Everyone I have suggested it to has encouraged us to pursue it, so I feel really excited. It will be a lot of work and it will probably get rejected, but it makes me feel really good to have come up with something that people think is a good idea.
This meeting is by far the most fun of all the big meetings I typically attend (it's rivaled by a small, biannual meeting that's my favorite). I always come away feeling super exhausted, yet energized by the connections I make both to new people and to new ideas. I ended up staying out till between 12 and 3 am every night, then getting up between 7 and 8 am each day. I have made some good friends with people I see at meetings year after year and then we introduce each other to new people each time. It has become easier for me since it doesn't take as much effort to meet everyone new for the first time, but it remains fresh. Still, I was postively wiped out by the end and pretty much slept and slothed all weekend.
One thing I have learned about myself is that although I'm pretty outgoing, I'm not really an extrovert. It takes a lot of energy for me to interact with so many people so intensely. I really enjoy it and the experience invigorates my work, but I don't feel like I obtain energy from the people time. I often think how difficult meetings must be for really shy people. It would really be a challenge to get the most out of a meeting if it was hard to talk to new people.
Oh, and I got to briefly meet Addy N. We didn't make a plan for meeting up, but she had told me her name when we emailed about the possibility of meeting, so I checked out her website for a photo. I was just standing talking to a friend when I looked up and recognized her. It was very cool to meet her and D., but too bad we didn't get to hang out more.
In other news, I had a great meeting with Academic Advisor about that paper I blogged about months ago. He suggested some relatively straightfoward changes, some of which I did right away and get this: he commented on my changes right away too! He says he thinks it's nearly ready, so cross your fingers that Research Advisor will agree when she reads it.
Monday, July 28, 2008
Impending transition
I’m still far from my next big transition (graduation), but I feel like I am on the cusp of a change in mindset; I feel like it is an adjustment for me to transition from a student with a long way to go to one who is wrapping up.
I recently finished one big chunk of my research that will become a chapter in my dissertation (huzzah!). I had been planning it for ages, then working on it off and on for the past 18 months or so, and now the data are collected. One of the things that way always in the future is now at hand. Add that to the manuscript that is in preparation, the lab work for another chapter that is 70% done (see sidebar counter), and the last chapter that was dramatically reduced after my most recent committee meeting, and I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel different preparing for Big Conference next week than I have for conferences in the past. People always ask if I’ll be finishing up soon and I always have to say no. This time, I get to say yes, I expect to be graduating in about a year and yes, I’m starting to think about post docs, will you have one available? I’ve even ordered business cards (I hope they arrive in time) to give out during all the networking I have planned. I feel similarly about the job ads that sail through my inbox every day. Occasionally, I’ll see interesting job listings, but I know I’m too far from finishing to pursue them. That will be changing soon.
It’s a little scary to realize the thing I’ve been doing for the past five years (seven if you count the time I was a tech in my current lab) is coming to a close. I love where I am, so it’s sad to think about leaving. But at the same time, it’s exciting to think about leaving to pursue something new, or even about staying but with a new project in the same lab. I’m really ready to graduate, but apprehensive about the thesis writing and defense process which I know will be stressful given my advisors’ lack of enthusiasm for reviewing my writing. So, while it may seem trivial to think of the last year of grad school as a transition, I think my mindset and even my daily routine will be changing quite a lot. I hope it’s good.
scientiae-carnival.
I recently finished one big chunk of my research that will become a chapter in my dissertation (huzzah!). I had been planning it for ages, then working on it off and on for the past 18 months or so, and now the data are collected. One of the things that way always in the future is now at hand. Add that to the manuscript that is in preparation, the lab work for another chapter that is 70% done (see sidebar counter), and the last chapter that was dramatically reduced after my most recent committee meeting, and I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I feel different preparing for Big Conference next week than I have for conferences in the past. People always ask if I’ll be finishing up soon and I always have to say no. This time, I get to say yes, I expect to be graduating in about a year and yes, I’m starting to think about post docs, will you have one available? I’ve even ordered business cards (I hope they arrive in time) to give out during all the networking I have planned. I feel similarly about the job ads that sail through my inbox every day. Occasionally, I’ll see interesting job listings, but I know I’m too far from finishing to pursue them. That will be changing soon.
It’s a little scary to realize the thing I’ve been doing for the past five years (seven if you count the time I was a tech in my current lab) is coming to a close. I love where I am, so it’s sad to think about leaving. But at the same time, it’s exciting to think about leaving to pursue something new, or even about staying but with a new project in the same lab. I’m really ready to graduate, but apprehensive about the thesis writing and defense process which I know will be stressful given my advisors’ lack of enthusiasm for reviewing my writing. So, while it may seem trivial to think of the last year of grad school as a transition, I think my mindset and even my daily routine will be changing quite a lot. I hope it’s good.
scientiae-carnival.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Getting bigger
Summer has finally arrived 'round these parts, so I dug out some summer clothes stored from last year. It's not pretty, folks. I have to face an undeniable reality that my loose and stretchy winter sweaters let me ignore: I have gained weight.
I have been about the same weight my whole adult life. I might edge up a little over winter and then slim down a smidge in summer, but I until recently I could still fit some clothes from high school. Lately, however, I've been feeling like my good jeans are uncomfortable and my loose jeans have become good jeans. Ugh.
Last January, I had this idea that I would do video Pilates workouts every day. I wanted to observe if it impacted my physique, so like a good scientist I took my measurements as a baseline (the Pilates didn't produce measurable changes in four months' time). The other day I found the paper where I recorded those measurements, so I busted out the measuring tape to do a comparison. Whoa. I increased more than 2 inches everywhere but my bust (why isn't it ever in the bust first?).
I don't own a scale, so I have no idea how much I've gained. But the extra needs to go. I have had enough warning from observing the weight gain and subsequent dieting of a mom and four sisters to know what can happen if I blow it off. Not healthy.
I feel conflicted writing this post on this blog. It feels very anti-feminist to be fretting about a little weight gain. I don't think women need to be super slim to be successful or worthwhile. Also, I kinda feel like an ass for complaining about a few pounds after years of stable weight when so many people I know, probably including some readers, have fought their weight forever. So why do I care about a few extra pounds? Partly, I don't want to have to buy new clothes in a bigger size. Partly, I feel uncomfortable in a body that somehow feels less limber and lithe. Partly, I don't want my weight to get out of control so I develop knee problems like my mom. Partly, I feel like if my body was the same weight for so long, it was probably a healthy weight. And partly, I'm a little vain.
So, I'm going to start getting more exercise each day. The weather is good now so I can walk or jog outside. And I'll be more observant of WW points. EGM has been doing Weight Watchers for almost a year now but doesn't really count points. I think we should get back into that habit. I think what I'm noticing is the decreasing metabolism with age, because I don't feel like there has been a big change in my habits. Although clever readers may note that it is odd that this is coincident with adding chicken back into my diet in January.
I have been about the same weight my whole adult life. I might edge up a little over winter and then slim down a smidge in summer, but I until recently I could still fit some clothes from high school. Lately, however, I've been feeling like my good jeans are uncomfortable and my loose jeans have become good jeans. Ugh.
Last January, I had this idea that I would do video Pilates workouts every day. I wanted to observe if it impacted my physique, so like a good scientist I took my measurements as a baseline (the Pilates didn't produce measurable changes in four months' time). The other day I found the paper where I recorded those measurements, so I busted out the measuring tape to do a comparison. Whoa. I increased more than 2 inches everywhere but my bust (why isn't it ever in the bust first?).
I don't own a scale, so I have no idea how much I've gained. But the extra needs to go. I have had enough warning from observing the weight gain and subsequent dieting of a mom and four sisters to know what can happen if I blow it off. Not healthy.
I feel conflicted writing this post on this blog. It feels very anti-feminist to be fretting about a little weight gain. I don't think women need to be super slim to be successful or worthwhile. Also, I kinda feel like an ass for complaining about a few pounds after years of stable weight when so many people I know, probably including some readers, have fought their weight forever. So why do I care about a few extra pounds? Partly, I don't want to have to buy new clothes in a bigger size. Partly, I feel uncomfortable in a body that somehow feels less limber and lithe. Partly, I don't want my weight to get out of control so I develop knee problems like my mom. Partly, I feel like if my body was the same weight for so long, it was probably a healthy weight. And partly, I'm a little vain.
So, I'm going to start getting more exercise each day. The weather is good now so I can walk or jog outside. And I'll be more observant of WW points. EGM has been doing Weight Watchers for almost a year now but doesn't really count points. I think we should get back into that habit. I think what I'm noticing is the decreasing metabolism with age, because I don't feel like there has been a big change in my habits. Although clever readers may note that it is odd that this is coincident with adding chicken back into my diet in January.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Writing meme
This isn't a meme exactly. As I've struggled this year with my first manuscript, I've been wondering how other people write. I figure polling the academic blogosphere is the perfect way to find out.
I'd like to solicit posts about the nuts and bolts of writing. How do you get from blank page to submitted manuscript or grant? Do you outline? Do you go through many iterations or do you give birth to a nearly final draft after doing lots of prep in your head? Do you organize notes from all the relevant literature, or get your ideas down and fill in references later? Has your writing method changed as you've become more experienced? What are your tried and true techniques and what have you found just doesn't work?
Personally, I like to free write in sort of a stream-0f-consciousness way at first. I know the most of the basic literature in my head so I can get the skeleton of a draft written without lots of notes. When I feel stuck, I try to just get my thoughts on the page, even if they include slang or swear words or "blah blah blah" when I'm not sure of something. Once I have some text to work with, I start refining; I rewrite sentences, fill in references, and add new thoughts when I discover something I had forgotten in the literature. After the bulk of the document is in place, I cut sections out and paste them in a blank page so I can rework them without the distraction of the rest of the document. Usually, I make a new file called "cut material" so I can delete chunks of text that I know are unnecessary without second guessing myself, since they will still exist if I decide I still want them.
I don't think my method is particularly efficient and maybe not that effective, so I'd love to hear how others do it. If you are interested in sharing your writing habits, please leave a comment with a link to your post. If you don't have a blog but want to share how you get your writing done, long comments are always welcome here.
I'd like to solicit posts about the nuts and bolts of writing. How do you get from blank page to submitted manuscript or grant? Do you outline? Do you go through many iterations or do you give birth to a nearly final draft after doing lots of prep in your head? Do you organize notes from all the relevant literature, or get your ideas down and fill in references later? Has your writing method changed as you've become more experienced? What are your tried and true techniques and what have you found just doesn't work?
Personally, I like to free write in sort of a stream-0f-consciousness way at first. I know the most of the basic literature in my head so I can get the skeleton of a draft written without lots of notes. When I feel stuck, I try to just get my thoughts on the page, even if they include slang or swear words or "blah blah blah" when I'm not sure of something. Once I have some text to work with, I start refining; I rewrite sentences, fill in references, and add new thoughts when I discover something I had forgotten in the literature. After the bulk of the document is in place, I cut sections out and paste them in a blank page so I can rework them without the distraction of the rest of the document. Usually, I make a new file called "cut material" so I can delete chunks of text that I know are unnecessary without second guessing myself, since they will still exist if I decide I still want them.
I don't think my method is particularly efficient and maybe not that effective, so I'd love to hear how others do it. If you are interested in sharing your writing habits, please leave a comment with a link to your post. If you don't have a blog but want to share how you get your writing done, long comments are always welcome here.
Friday, March 14, 2008
Perfectionism
I followed this link I saw at Rising To the Occasion and thought it was interesting enough for a post. It's a booklet from the University of Texas Counseling and Mental Health Center titled "Perfectionism: A double-edged sword". Some excerpts:
Those who strive for excellence in a healthy way take genuine pleasure in trying to meet high standards. Perfectionists on the other hand are full of self-doubts and fears of disapproval, ridicule and rejection. The healthy striver has drive, while the perfectionist is driven.
MYTH: Perfectionists get things done and they do things right.
REALITY: Perfectionists often have problems with procrastination, missed deadlines, and low productivity.Psychologists find that perfectionists tend to be "all-or-nothing" thinkers. They see events and experiences as either good or bad, perfect or imperfect, with nothing in between. Such thinking often leads to procrastination, because a requirement of flawless perfection, in even the smallest of tasks, can become fearfully overwhelming. The perfectionist believes that the flawless product or superb performance must be produced every time. Perfectionists believe if it can't be done perfectly, it's not worth doing.
Such beliefs often lead to undesired results. A perfectionist student may turn in a paper weeks late (or not at all), rather than turn it in on time with less-than-perfect sentences. A perfectionist worker may spend so much time agonizing over some non-critical detail that a critical project misses its deadline.
MYTH: Perfectionists are determined to overcome all obstacles to success.
REALITY: Although perfectionists follow an "I'll-keep-trying-until-it's-perfect" credo, they are especially vulnerable to potentially serious difficulties such as depression, writer's block, and performance and social anxiety.
The good news is that there is a list of coping strategies. The first is
1. Make a list of the advantages and disadvantages of trying to be perfect. When you make your own list of costs and benefits, you may find that the costs are too great. You may discover that problems with relationships, excessive workaholism, eating and substance abuse problems, and other compulsive behaviors (plus the accompanying anxiety, nervousness, feelings of inadequacy, self-criticism, and so on) actually outweigh whatever advantages perfectionism holds for you.
All this smacks of imposter syndrome to me, while explaining a lot of the procrastination I witness (both mine and others'). And it sounds like so many people I know. Does it sound like you?
Thursday, February 28, 2008
New attitude (for now)
I'm sick of The Race. I'm both irritated and bored by the rush to finish projects and write papers and not get scooped (which almost never happens in my field anyway) and all the rest of it. I want to just relax and enjoy what I'm doing. If I do it right, then presentations and papers should come naturally as part of the process.
I want to do science because it’s interesting and fun and valuable. There are lots of other jobs I could be doing that would get me more money with less education. If science isn't fun or interesting, then there's little point in doing it for me. Sure, there's the benefit scientists provides society. But I feel like I could do as much or more good in another profession. It would just be a very different sort of good.
The other day, my carpool buddy was fretting about some deadline that he didn't think he could meet. Ecogeoman and I are constantly doing the same, both for external deadlines and the ones we set ourselves for motivation. But I suddenly realized how arbitrary our deadlines are. No one is going to die on an operating table or starve in the immediate future if we don't meet our deadlines.* My research is very important, but not it’s just not that urgent.
That thought brought on a welcome sense of relaxation. I have been thinking about how all this worrying about meeting goals takes mental energy away from actually doing the work. I want to focus on the parts of my job that are fun and interesting. I'm tired of spinning my wheels, planning and replanning my future, both immediate and distant. I need a break from all the fuss to just do my work and enjoy it for what it is rather than doing to meet an arbitrary deadline or because it's good for my career. I want to do it because it's good for science. My career will follow.
I hope that this change of attitude will provide some renewal of my motivation. But rather than renewing my fortitude to meet an arbitrary goal, I hope to renew my excitement about my research, and that’s all.
*I know some of you work in fields where this might be the case.
scientiae-carnival
I want to do science because it’s interesting and fun and valuable. There are lots of other jobs I could be doing that would get me more money with less education. If science isn't fun or interesting, then there's little point in doing it for me. Sure, there's the benefit scientists provides society. But I feel like I could do as much or more good in another profession. It would just be a very different sort of good.
The other day, my carpool buddy was fretting about some deadline that he didn't think he could meet. Ecogeoman and I are constantly doing the same, both for external deadlines and the ones we set ourselves for motivation. But I suddenly realized how arbitrary our deadlines are. No one is going to die on an operating table or starve in the immediate future if we don't meet our deadlines.* My research is very important, but not it’s just not that urgent.
That thought brought on a welcome sense of relaxation. I have been thinking about how all this worrying about meeting goals takes mental energy away from actually doing the work. I want to focus on the parts of my job that are fun and interesting. I'm tired of spinning my wheels, planning and replanning my future, both immediate and distant. I need a break from all the fuss to just do my work and enjoy it for what it is rather than doing to meet an arbitrary deadline or because it's good for my career. I want to do it because it's good for science. My career will follow.
I hope that this change of attitude will provide some renewal of my motivation. But rather than renewing my fortitude to meet an arbitrary goal, I hope to renew my excitement about my research, and that’s all.
*I know some of you work in fields where this might be the case.
scientiae-carnival
Monday, February 18, 2008
Anything but a professor
Today I told Research Advisor that I don't want to be a professor. I have decided that I want nothing to do with academia long term.
I started grad school after working as a technician for a couple of years after college. Seeing that having only a bachelor's degree will get you little more than a dead-end job in research, I thought, "what do I need to do to keep doing this?" Then I enrolled in a Ph.D. program.
I have never been interested in teaching. When I started grad school, my ideal was to get a job with as much research and as little teaching as possible. But the more I learn about academia and the more I learn about myself, I realize that academia is not for me. The positions with the highest proportion of research are generally the most prestigious and competitive. Given my 40-hours-a-week-is-enough attitude, I don't think I'd be the best match for those jobs.
More than that, though, I've realized that I dislike the culture of a university -- the heirarchy, the competition, the inconsistent priorities. Facutly are pulled in a dozen directions at once, with so many people relying on them for urgent issues. I don't want to teach, but I also don't want to write upteen recommendation letters or read students' crappy first drafts, or explain the same concepts over and over. Yes, I appreciate that someone is doing that for me. But it doesn't mean that I want to do it. Frankly, I don't even want to mentor grad students.
There are several government agencies that have research facilities where I could work. Of course, those research-only positions are not easy to get. Soft money isn't so attractive, either.
I'm beginning to realize that I'd rather do something else with my science skills than do research as a professor. Management and consulting are appealing. I'm glad to be thinking about this now so I can keep my eyes open for alternative jobs because they are difficult to envision. When academia is almost the only path offered to Ph.Ds, it takes some thinking outside the box to find something else. However, I very much want to do a post doc because I want to learn something new and experience a different lab. I think a braoder skill-set would be beneficial for any kind of science job.
A few minutes after we finsihed our conversation, I asked Research Advisor if she thought less of me for saying I don't aspire to be a professor. She does not and pointed out that many people start PhDs with no intention of doing research. She said if it's okay for them to want to teach from the outset, it's fine for me to want to not teach. She's great.
I started grad school after working as a technician for a couple of years after college. Seeing that having only a bachelor's degree will get you little more than a dead-end job in research, I thought, "what do I need to do to keep doing this?" Then I enrolled in a Ph.D. program.
I have never been interested in teaching. When I started grad school, my ideal was to get a job with as much research and as little teaching as possible. But the more I learn about academia and the more I learn about myself, I realize that academia is not for me. The positions with the highest proportion of research are generally the most prestigious and competitive. Given my 40-hours-a-week-is-enough attitude, I don't think I'd be the best match for those jobs.
More than that, though, I've realized that I dislike the culture of a university -- the heirarchy, the competition, the inconsistent priorities. Facutly are pulled in a dozen directions at once, with so many people relying on them for urgent issues. I don't want to teach, but I also don't want to write upteen recommendation letters or read students' crappy first drafts, or explain the same concepts over and over. Yes, I appreciate that someone is doing that for me. But it doesn't mean that I want to do it. Frankly, I don't even want to mentor grad students.
There are several government agencies that have research facilities where I could work. Of course, those research-only positions are not easy to get. Soft money isn't so attractive, either.
I'm beginning to realize that I'd rather do something else with my science skills than do research as a professor. Management and consulting are appealing. I'm glad to be thinking about this now so I can keep my eyes open for alternative jobs because they are difficult to envision. When academia is almost the only path offered to Ph.Ds, it takes some thinking outside the box to find something else. However, I very much want to do a post doc because I want to learn something new and experience a different lab. I think a braoder skill-set would be beneficial for any kind of science job.
A few minutes after we finsihed our conversation, I asked Research Advisor if she thought less of me for saying I don't aspire to be a professor. She does not and pointed out that many people start PhDs with no intention of doing research. She said if it's okay for them to want to teach from the outset, it's fine for me to want to not teach. She's great.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Sister time
I just spent 24 lovely hours with S2 (my sister) and her friends. She had a very stressful 2007, so her husband conspired with her friend to get her some R &R. I live in a more interesting city about 6 hours from where they live, so two of S2’s friends brought her here for the weekend. We spent Saturday downtown, shopping and walking around, and had afternoon tea in a fancy restaurant (nice, but sounds better than it was). Then this morning, I took her to get her hair cut by the same woman who cut mine last week. It was a fun and spontaneous thing to do and she looks great.
I miss living near my family so much. I’m sure that if I lived near them, I would spend tons of time hanging out with my sibs and their kids. When I’m bored here, I often think how great it would be to call up one of my sisters to just hang out with no plan. I feel like now if I call a friend, I have to invite them to do some specific activity, not just chill.
On the other hand, I don’t think my sibs could ever really substitute for friends. When I choose friends, I look for people with similar views so I can relax and be myself. In fact, I’m probably a little closed minded in some ways, e.g. I am not open to racist, homophobic, grossly materialistic, etc. people. I didn’t choose my family and I will love them unconditionally, so I steer clear of topics about which I suspect we disagree. I would stop nurturing a friendship with someone who has really different values, but I’m never going to drop a family member. In that sense, I feel like I keep big chunks of my personality out of my family’s view. But the unconditional love sure is nice.
I miss living near my family so much. I’m sure that if I lived near them, I would spend tons of time hanging out with my sibs and their kids. When I’m bored here, I often think how great it would be to call up one of my sisters to just hang out with no plan. I feel like now if I call a friend, I have to invite them to do some specific activity, not just chill.
On the other hand, I don’t think my sibs could ever really substitute for friends. When I choose friends, I look for people with similar views so I can relax and be myself. In fact, I’m probably a little closed minded in some ways, e.g. I am not open to racist, homophobic, grossly materialistic, etc. people. I didn’t choose my family and I will love them unconditionally, so I steer clear of topics about which I suspect we disagree. I would stop nurturing a friendship with someone who has really different values, but I’m never going to drop a family member. In that sense, I feel like I keep big chunks of my personality out of my family’s view. But the unconditional love sure is nice.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
I have it so good
I've been thinking a little about why I am interested in women-in-science issues. I have never once personally experienced gender discrimination at work. Two of my three advisers have been women, the third is an extremely enlightened man. Yet, I identify with the plight of the screwed-over woman scientist.
I think it's because my culture is steeped in sexism and I hate it. This post on Propter Doc's blog clarified it for me. I think I just expect the negative stereotypes present throughout the rest of my life will carry over to my work. But they haven't (so far). I know they have for many, many other women. I feel very sensitized to that.
I'm very thankful that so far my work experience has been free of that crap. It's almost like it's one place where it doesn't matter that I'm a woman; the expectations are the same for me as for a man doing the same job (with the exception of field work, but that's just practical). I want more women to share my experience, except that I want all the cultural stereotypes to disappear too. I'm sick of the image that women are bad at things like investing or home repair and men shouldn't plan a holiday meal or buy their kids' clothes. An example: my friend would love to have a boat someday, but I pretty sure she considers it something a man buys and maintains, not something she would be responsible for. I think when I suggested she start saving for her own boat, it was the first time it occurred to her that she could get one for herself. It shouldn't be this way.
Anyway, I'm glad I get to work with a group of wonderful, mostly female, people. Am I the only lucky one? Or am I totally sheltered?
I think it's because my culture is steeped in sexism and I hate it. This post on Propter Doc's blog clarified it for me. I think I just expect the negative stereotypes present throughout the rest of my life will carry over to my work. But they haven't (so far). I know they have for many, many other women. I feel very sensitized to that.
I'm very thankful that so far my work experience has been free of that crap. It's almost like it's one place where it doesn't matter that I'm a woman; the expectations are the same for me as for a man doing the same job (with the exception of field work, but that's just practical). I want more women to share my experience, except that I want all the cultural stereotypes to disappear too. I'm sick of the image that women are bad at things like investing or home repair and men shouldn't plan a holiday meal or buy their kids' clothes. An example: my friend would love to have a boat someday, but I pretty sure she considers it something a man buys and maintains, not something she would be responsible for. I think when I suggested she start saving for her own boat, it was the first time it occurred to her that she could get one for herself. It shouldn't be this way.
Anyway, I'm glad I get to work with a group of wonderful, mostly female, people. Am I the only lucky one? Or am I totally sheltered?
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Another Lousy Day
Several years ago, I heard this cool piece on NPR’s All Things Considered (it's 18:30 long). Here is the description from NPR:
The writer concludes that the diary author must have been depressed and miserable based on how she chronicled her life in her diary. But at the end of the story, he meets some of the diary author's friends, who describe her as happy and outgoing. I wonder if this is the case with most people, especially bloggers. The self we know inside is not the self we present to the world. Would some bloggers' coworkers be surprised by how insecure/unhappy/overwhelmed they feel? Does the blog personality match the real life personality?
A few years ago, writer David Kodeski was rummaging through an antique store on Chicago's north side when he came across two diaries from 1960 and '61. He bought them, took them home and began to read. The result: "Another Lousy Day," a one-man play that details his quest to find the diary's author -- a single, working woman who lived on the south side.
The diary's author wrote meticulously about her everyday life: how she flirted with her co-workers, fought with her dad, shopped for things she didn't need, and searched for happiness as she worried about her weight and hairdo:
June 26: Another lousy day. Went to our new jobs on colored TV and are they ever awful and feel like I'm in Siberia. I asked Mike a couple of times about the controls and later on he called me over and showed me a book about a Baptist. He was so cute. Went to bed late.
Kodeski and producers Elizabeth Meister and Dan Collison, in association with Chicago Public Radio, have adapted the play into a radio story for All Things Considered.
The writer concludes that the diary author must have been depressed and miserable based on how she chronicled her life in her diary. But at the end of the story, he meets some of the diary author's friends, who describe her as happy and outgoing. I wonder if this is the case with most people, especially bloggers. The self we know inside is not the self we present to the world. Would some bloggers' coworkers be surprised by how insecure/unhappy/overwhelmed they feel? Does the blog personality match the real life personality?
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Inferiority Complex? Impostor Complex? Lazy-Ass Complex?
Many, many people feel inferior compared to others in their field. Or they feel like they have no business doing the work they do, that they aren’t qualified to teach, or that nobody has realized how much they suck but as soon as the cat’s out of the bag, they’ll be fired. I don’t really feel this way. I feel lazy. I think I could be every bit as good as anyone else but I don’t really work hard enough, so I’m just mediocre. Interestingly, I don’t have a big problem with that, at least not at this point. Maybe when it’s time to compete for jobs I’ll be cursing my mediocrity.
I think if I put in really long days and was just obsessed with my research, I could turn out awesome papers that would earn me a great reputation in my field. But I don’t do that. I want other things from my life, too. Frankly, I don’t think I’m capable of working that way, either. I just don’t have that kind of concentration or endurance. Maybe that’s what separates the women from the girls.
But then I wonder if this, in fact, is an inferiority complex. I’m saying to myself that I’m not as good as some people because I can’t/don’t want to work that hard. Inferiority is sneaky.
I wonder: if everybody feels inferior, who feels superior? This isn’t just restricted to women, so we can’t say the men are all feeling great. Does everybody feel like she can’t live up to the productivity of her colleague? Or is it a game we play with ourselves to deal with the self-motivation necessary for research? I thought I'd try a little poll to see where people stand. I use the phrase "better than me" in the context of comparing your work to that of your colleagues, i.e., I don't mean to say that other people are of higher quality overall.
I think if I put in really long days and was just obsessed with my research, I could turn out awesome papers that would earn me a great reputation in my field. But I don’t do that. I want other things from my life, too. Frankly, I don’t think I’m capable of working that way, either. I just don’t have that kind of concentration or endurance. Maybe that’s what separates the women from the girls.
But then I wonder if this, in fact, is an inferiority complex. I’m saying to myself that I’m not as good as some people because I can’t/don’t want to work that hard. Inferiority is sneaky.
I wonder: if everybody feels inferior, who feels superior? This isn’t just restricted to women, so we can’t say the men are all feeling great. Does everybody feel like she can’t live up to the productivity of her colleague? Or is it a game we play with ourselves to deal with the self-motivation necessary for research? I thought I'd try a little poll to see where people stand. I use the phrase "better than me" in the context of comparing your work to that of your colleagues, i.e., I don't mean to say that other people are of higher quality overall.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
Binge working
Yesterday, ScienceGirl commented here that, "As a grad student, it is so easy to fall into the procrastinate/work all the time, and never really have guilt-free time." How true. Without a boss who dictates your work hours and monitors your time, it's so easy to procrastinate. Often, the procrastination takes the form of work avoidance, where a less urgent/important task is done first at the expense of something more important but less appealing. Yet, since the important job never got done, there is the lingering weight of Unfinished Work. It's a nasty cycle because you've been working all day but not getting the high priority jobs done, so you have to work more. After many days of not really getting much done, an approaching deadline will trigger many people to really cram the work in. They will pull an all nighter to end up with a less-than-perfect product that they aren't 100% proud of. Binge working. It's so inefficient.
In my struggle to adhere to a 40 hour work week, I have tried to reflect on how I spend my time so that I can feel good about what I do at work and then feel good about what I do at home, which I want to be not work. I have found that when I am really honest with myself about how I spend my day, I see where I waste lots of time*. I know when I'm "working" and when I working, really doing only the things that need to be done and nothing else. No checking google for an image I could kinda use, no playing around with numbers for the heck of it, and certainly no chatting about what I made for dinner last night. Sure, those things can be useful, but should not be done until the essentials are done. That way, I can go home at the end of the day and not feel guilty for relaxing, because I know I got my work done. It's amazing how I will rationalize to myself just like I would to a boss, like, I couldn't get those figures made today because first I had to blah blah blah. Yeah, right. I know what's up with those excuses I give myself. I just wish I could have a touch more self control so a greater proportion of my time at work could be working because man, I really want to graduate.
I suspect that this doesn't end with grad school but that the most successful people typically have good time management skills and thus, greater efficiency. There is a great article on this topic at Science Careers which is really worth a read.
*I only really have this trouble when I am working at my desk on data analysis or writing. I am very efficient at lab work.
In my struggle to adhere to a 40 hour work week, I have tried to reflect on how I spend my time so that I can feel good about what I do at work and then feel good about what I do at home, which I want to be not work. I have found that when I am really honest with myself about how I spend my day, I see where I waste lots of time*. I know when I'm "working" and when I working, really doing only the things that need to be done and nothing else. No checking google for an image I could kinda use, no playing around with numbers for the heck of it, and certainly no chatting about what I made for dinner last night. Sure, those things can be useful, but should not be done until the essentials are done. That way, I can go home at the end of the day and not feel guilty for relaxing, because I know I got my work done. It's amazing how I will rationalize to myself just like I would to a boss, like, I couldn't get those figures made today because first I had to blah blah blah. Yeah, right. I know what's up with those excuses I give myself. I just wish I could have a touch more self control so a greater proportion of my time at work could be working because man, I really want to graduate.
I suspect that this doesn't end with grad school but that the most successful people typically have good time management skills and thus, greater efficiency. There is a great article on this topic at Science Careers which is really worth a read.
*I only really have this trouble when I am working at my desk on data analysis or writing. I am very efficient at lab work.
Monday, December 3, 2007
The Five Love Languages
Have any of you read The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman? I’m not really into self help books, but this is one that really resonated with me. The premise of the book is that there are five main ways that people give and receive love and each of us has one that is most important, or our primary love language. The five languages are physical touch, quality time, acts of service, gifts, and words of affirmation.
To determine your primary love language, ask yourself how you knew your mother (or other caregiver) loved you. A response like, “She hugged me” probably means it’s physical touch. “She told me” is likely to indicate words of affirmation. Or “she always packed a note in my lunch for me” could mean acts of service or gifts. Conversely, one may think about what punishment inflicted the most emotional pain. For example, the child who is devastated by being sent to her room probably has quality time as her primary love language. The book talks about how in many relationships, the same primary language is not shared by both parties. In those cases it’s important to learn what each person’s main love language is to keep everyone feeling loved and happy. The book also discusses how when people aren’t receiving the kind of love they need, they don’t feel much love at all. The person giving the love may be perplexed by the lack of recognition shown by the recipient. While giving and receiving love in a perceivable way is absolutely vital in a romantic or parenting relationship, it crosses over to all relationships, even those in a lab.
I wonder if some of our unhappiness in our jobs stems from not getting positive feedback in a form we can perceive. Perhaps some of the friction in lab relationships (and we do spend a lot of time with our labmates!) comes from miscommunication of love. Or maybe not love, but the professional equivalents like appreciation, respect, and gratitude.
Anyway, the book is worth a read. There are several of them actually. I have read the one for raising children and for married couples. The author is a pastor and definitely incorporates Christian ideals and Bible passages, but it’s not too intrusive. I’m not interested in religious teaching at all and I was able to ignore those parts.
To determine your primary love language, ask yourself how you knew your mother (or other caregiver) loved you. A response like, “She hugged me” probably means it’s physical touch. “She told me” is likely to indicate words of affirmation. Or “she always packed a note in my lunch for me” could mean acts of service or gifts. Conversely, one may think about what punishment inflicted the most emotional pain. For example, the child who is devastated by being sent to her room probably has quality time as her primary love language. The book talks about how in many relationships, the same primary language is not shared by both parties. In those cases it’s important to learn what each person’s main love language is to keep everyone feeling loved and happy. The book also discusses how when people aren’t receiving the kind of love they need, they don’t feel much love at all. The person giving the love may be perplexed by the lack of recognition shown by the recipient. While giving and receiving love in a perceivable way is absolutely vital in a romantic or parenting relationship, it crosses over to all relationships, even those in a lab.
I wonder if some of our unhappiness in our jobs stems from not getting positive feedback in a form we can perceive. Perhaps some of the friction in lab relationships (and we do spend a lot of time with our labmates!) comes from miscommunication of love. Or maybe not love, but the professional equivalents like appreciation, respect, and gratitude.
Anyway, the book is worth a read. There are several of them actually. I have read the one for raising children and for married couples. The author is a pastor and definitely incorporates Christian ideals and Bible passages, but it’s not too intrusive. I’m not interested in religious teaching at all and I was able to ignore those parts.
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