I'm back, and France was great!  Getting to the conference venue was a bitch, but once we were there is was completely awesome.  It was one of those smaller (<200 people), highly focused meetings where they have you at an isolated place so you stay together a lot.  We had all our meals together instead of breaking off into groups going to different restaurants, so there was tons of opportunity to interact with all different people.  The pacing of the program was really good too, with tons of time for poster viewing and discussion.  That worked because the posters were super good.  Surprisingly, I had lots of traffic at my poster which I hadn't expected given its topic.

I made kind of a personal breakthrough at this meeting as well.  I recently read the book Who Moved My Cheese? and the line from it, "what would I do if I weren't afraid?" really stuck with me.  I kept that in mind as I reminded myself not to be Advisor Junior.  In other words, when I go to meetings with Research Advisor, I tend to stay by her side a lot.  She's great and all, but this means that I don't carry on my own conversations with people and they probably remember me as someone from her lab rather than as someone who is interesting in her own right.  So this time, I made a concerted effort to gracefully walk away to start my own conversations or sit with other people during meals.  It worked really well and I felt like my networking was really effective.

After the conference, I made my way to EGM's sister's place and had a fantastic weekend visit with her and her family.  I'm grateful that we get on so well given that I've only met a few times.  And I'm happy that I made the effort to see his family since we have so little opportunity to visit them.

Now, I hope that the meeting we're hosting next week will be anywhere near as successful!

Vacay

I'm going on vacation next week!

My parents' 50th wedding anniversary is coming up and they are having a big party.  Everyone is coming.  It's going to be a full chaotic week of family, family, family.  It will be intense, but I'm really looking forward to it.  I haven't been to visit since New Year's, which is the longest I've ever gone without a trip home.  I'm especially looking forward to seeing my nieces and nephews who live far away and I rarely see.

Extra fun: we're going wedding/bridesmaids' dress shopping!  It's going to be so fun.  We've gone shopping together for each of my sisters' weddings so it's something of a tradition.  Except the family has grown, so this time there will be at least 10 of us.  Can you say cluster fuck?

Bonus: I get to spend the weekend with my BFF.  Maybe we'll go to the pool.  :)

NYR Update

First, let me just say that EGM got poison ivy and was scratching all night. I'm tired! And if it happens again tonight, one of us is going to the couch. Aren't I nice, sensitive, and empathetic?

Now that that's out of the way, I think I should report on my new years' resolutions. I have performed mediumly on both of them. I've sent birthday cards for almost all of the family birthdays so far, but several of them have gone out late. But, I have the next ones all ready to send. As for being more eco-conscience, there has been progress and setbacks. I kind of gave up on the paper recycling after the pile got so big that EGM finally threw it away -- I just kept putting off dropping it at the recycling place. We also decided not to do the CSA after all because we're not sure we'll actually use that much produce. On the other hand, the garden is going well. The seeds I started indoors are starting to look like plants and the things I planted outside are starting to take. Also, we started a compost pile near the garden. I have been bringing our kitchen scraps to work to compost, which gives me warm fuzzies. I'll post some photos soon.

And now I'm 30

I just had a lovely time celebrating a big birthday. Last weekend Ecogeomom, S1, S2, and S4, and S4's little baby came to visit. There were only here for about 24 hours but we had a lot of fun. We don't make a big deal about adult birthdays in my family unless they end in zero, so their visit made my 30th really special. Ecogeoman, who typically f's up my birthday, had a thoughtful present (wrapped even!), a book to organize all the loose recipes I have floating around the kitchen, ready in advance and he took me out to dinner on my actual birthday. Awesome Technician made brownies, which she knows are the signature birthday dessert in my family instead of the much-less-delicious birthday cake.

I have many friends who look at 30 as some major milestone. They say it marks the time when one should be married, have a house, finished a Ph.D., whatever. Or it defines adulthood. I have never looked at 30 this way, probably because there are other ways I think those life events should be defined. For example, I considered myself a full adult when I graduated from college because that was the time when my parents stopped contributing to my livelihood; I had to get a job, fund my own life, pay my own debts, and thus they ceased to have a say in my decisions other than offering advice that I could either take or leave. I don't feel like an old maid because I'm not married yet; EGM and I will do that when the time is right for both of us and our families. I don't feel like a failure for not owning a house; I'm quite comfortable renting for the time being given both our personal circumstances and the shitty market.

On the other hand, I feel a little disappointed with myself for still being in grad school. I remember swearing up and down that I would be finished before I was 30. This had less to do with a particular age and more to do with thinking it was ridiculous for grad school to drag on and on. Yet here I am, approaching year 7. To be fair, I've been held up by some things out of my control, like an "act of god" that drove me to shift the focus of my project and probably cost me a year, or the slow manuscript reviewing that held my attention on one aspect of my project for too long. But really, I want to get on with my life. I'm tired of knowing there are still hoops to jump. I want a real salary. And a 401(k). And the peace of mind that comes from knowing that if the shit hit the fan, I could quit without losing everything I've worked toward for the last dozen years.

So 30 is fine. But I really want to graduate.

Quick update

I haven't posted in ages and I'm way behind in my blog reading. We have a house guest for several weeks, which is keeping me away from my computer in the evenings. It's a very fun guest to have because the person is excellent company and a perfect match for me science-wise, so we're having lots of great science discussions. Also, I mentioned in the comments that I had to travel for a funeral. It was a sad affair for an uncle who wasn't that old (71) but had been sick with cancer for several years. He lived a high-quality life much longer than initially expected, but the final decline was very quick. I'm glad I got the chance to say goodbye and it was good to see my family (the kids grow so much between each visit!).

I'll try to get back to regular posting, but I'm sure it will continue to be intermittent as long as our guest is here. I will especially try to get on the interviews I promised to several bloggers. Sorry about the delay!

Resolutions

I love New Year's resolutions (NYR). I made a whole bunch of them last year and while I didn't religiously adhere to them all, having them did help me keep certain goals in mind. Like I said last year, I think the best resolutions are very specific. Not, "I'll be tidier" but "I will vacuum every Friday". A resolution isn't going to transform your personality. It's a way to help you focus your efforts on a few behaviors that contribute to a lifestyle change you strive for. Plus, it's much easier to evaluate your success when you have specific goals.

This year, I'm not going to make any work related resolutions. I anticipate lots of professional progress this year and I don't think any NYRs are going to impact my work life. I've got to get shit done no matter what. I expect that this year I will graduate, find a post-doc, and publish some papers. The pressure is on, so rules about how much time I can spend reading blogs should be irrelevant.

So, I will make two resolutions in my personal life.

1. I will send a birthday card to every member of my immediate-plus family. For those of you following along at home, that's 28 people. I've been contemplating this one for a long time. I always (try to) call each of my siblings on their birthdays, but I blow off their spouses and kids. I feel bad about that, especially the kids. So this year, I'm going to remember them all. First I need to check that I know them all.

2. I will implement one new green activity each month. I've been feeling rather bad that my life's work is devoted to climate change sort of stuff and yet I lead a not-so-green lifestyle. It's not abominable, but there are some serious oversights and inconsistencies. For example, we use cloth napkins instead of paper, but we don't recycle (curbside pickup here is ... suspicious, so we will have to take our stuff to a recycling center ourselves). I intend to write a blog post about our efforts each month. Oh, and you might think this is super lame, but I'm going to wait to start the first one until EGM gets back because I want it to be something we do together rather than something I'm invested in that he ignores, because then it won't last.

I'm not sure what 12 things I'd like to do, so I welcome suggestions. Recycling is definitely one. I'd like to get a kitchen vermicompost bin. I'm interested in growing vegetables on the deck when it gets warm and I want to make an effort to shop at the farmer's market. What else should I do?

Happy New Year?

Today I drove back from my hometown. I had a great visit with my family. I sorely missed EGM, but it was actually kind of nice to have some time with my family by myself. It was easier to make plans without worrying if he would be bored and I could spend more time just playing with the kids, visiting neighbors, and shopping with my mom and teenage nieces.

I LOVE New Year's Eve and resolutions and all that, but tonight I'm think I might miss out on the fun. I'm supposed to go to a party tonight but I have a terrible headache. I rarely get headaches, but this one is bad enough that I might stay home. And not really care that I'm missing NYE. I just ordered a pizza; maybe eating will help.

More reflection and discussion of resolutions tomorrow.

I hope you all have a terrific New Year's Eve!

What am I forgetting?

This year I only had to buy one Christmas gift. I went in with some of my sibs for gifts for my mom and dad, we all go in together for gifts for the nieces and nephews*, I don't exchange with any friends, and EGM and I are getting a new t.v., so we decided not to get each other any presents. If we were together on Christmas, I think there'd be temptation to get some small things for each other, but since he'll still be away it's not an issue. So the only present I had to get was for my secret santa sibling who lives in another state. I ordered something online, so I didn't even really have to shop for that. It feels weird, like I'm forgetting something.

I also feel a little out of control with my paper. The corrections Research Advisor suggested are taking way longer than I thought they would. Most of them were changes to the text, but some of them required going back to the data. I've kind of been going back and forth from text to data, and that has made me feel a little confused about what is still left to do. Also, I discovered some small errors in my spreadsheet, which had me kind of heart broken. How could I possibly have mistakes after all the times I've combed through those spreadsheets? What other mistakes might be lurking? How can I ever be a Good Scientist if I have errors in data that I am this close to submitting? I think the problems arose from having multiple versions of the same files, i.e. one saved on my work desktop, one on my usb stick, and on my laptop, plus ones where I played around with different analyses and stuff. Boo.

I had a snow day yesterday, which I spent trying very hard to stay focused on work. Though I wasted plenty of time looking at blogs and such, I don't think I worked any less than if I had sat in traffic trying to get to work in the ice and snow. Not really a net gain. But I went to the lab today because I needed to use some software that I don't have on my laptop and I got tons done with hardly any goofing off (there were certain things I really wanted to finish while there, and I wanted to get out of there before weather got bad again). At this point, I think I'm very close to finishing RA's revisions. Hopefully I can send the manuscript to all three coauthors sometime tomorrow. With any luck, they'll be able to look over it quickly, tell me it's fine, and then I'll still be able to submit it before break. I'm not holding my breath that things will move that quickly, though.

*I wrote about our system for niece/nephew presents last year, but it's worth sharing again. There are 14 children in that generation of my family. They all have way too much stuff, and it would be really expensive and time consuming for each of us to buy a separate gift for each one of them. So, we all put in $10/per kid (not much, really) and get one item for all the kids in each family. For example, last year S2's kids got a basketball hoop. This year, their other grandparents are getting them a wii, so we are buying them games for it. Most of the other kids will get family memberships to museums, the zoo, nature center, etc. It works out great for everyone.

Ecogeomom is coming

My mom is coming to hang out for a few days. We have a Christmas shopping adventure planned for Saturday and I'm going to take her to work with me on Friday. I always think it's really interesting to see the workplaces of my friends and family, especially when I've heard them talk about work extensively, so I think she'll get a kick out of seeing where I work. It should be really interesting for my mom since she's never seen a lab. Either that or she'll be underwhelmed and think it's really boring. My department holiday party is on Friday, which means the day will be shot to hell anyway, she won't create any extra distraction, and everyone will be available to chat for a little while. I'm looking forward to seeing my biological mom meet my academic mom (i.e. Research Advisor). Somehow, it seems like the interaction might create a black hole or something.

Anyway, EcoGeoMom doesn't know about this blog, so I probably won't be posting much for the next few days.

Is this how it is with women in charge?

First of all, I am very pleased to announce that S4 had a baby boy today. He is her third child and the 14th grandchild in my family. Everyone is happy and healthy. Yay!

Now I'd like to share two observations about life in a female-dominated lab. I've said before that the lab I'm in is something like 70% women. Since I've always been part of very woman heavy labs, I don't have personal experience with which to compare them to male dominated labs. Lately I've been trying to imagine what the little differences might be.

Our lab has several rather sensitive personalities. They aren't cry babies or difficult people, they are people who are always concerned with how their words and behaviors might be perceived by others and who carefully interpret the words and actions of others so as to fully understand their complete meaning and intent. I recently had a chance to work with a wider group of scientists from my institution as part of a new collaborative effort. We were literally working all together at a table for a whole day. As we worked, one of the technicians in my lab asked, "what is this thing?" I answered, "it's an X and it does function Y." She said, "I know it does Y but I didn't know Xs looked like this." I said, "oh, okay." No big deal. The entire exchange took less than a minute. Then the tech added, "Sorry to be short with you" and I replied, "You weren't and I hope I didn't sound condescending". The men at the table were mildly aghast. I think they thought we were walking on eggshells with each other but really it was just a normal interaction, at least among people who are used to sensitive types.

Is this representative of how women interact professionally as a result of socialization or is it because of the particular personalities that have shaped our lab culture?

Next observation. I have said before that I hate pooping (although I think butts are hilarious). It is the worst part of my day. If I have to Go while at work, I try to be as discreet as possible, even timing my bathroom visit when there are no other women in there. There is a man who works in my vicinity who goes to the bathroom every day with reading material tucked under his arm, clearly headed off to take a shit. Ewww. There have been other men at my work who regularly announce their #2 events. I have never heard a woman in our lab group do that.

Again, is this an example of how gender socialization drives lab culture or is it just individual quirks (i.e. that I am grossed out by the idea of anyone at all making #2 and it just happens that none of the women ever announce it in my presence)?

Don't steal my food!

My sister (S3) posted the following anecdote on our family blog. She doesn't know I have this blog so I didn't ask her if I could repost the story here; I'm pretty sure she'd say yes. Her son is 2.5 years old.

[Son] had a small, dry booger on his nose. I flicked it away. [Son] asked me, "Was that a booger, Mama?" I said, "yes". He replied in a very disappointed voice, "I wanted to eat that booger."

I guess I'm not feeding him enough!

Too funny!

Double whammy weekend

This year, I share my birthday with Jesus' resurrection (zombie day?), so Ecogeoman and I are dutifully off to my hometown for the weekend. I think we'll have fun. We're going to spend Saturday evening with my BFF and some other friends and then Sunday will be a family Easter extravaganza, complete with an egg hunt and many arguments over peanut butter eggs which are the centerpiece of our candy cap-and-trade system. We're taking Monday off to drive back home at a leisurely pace.

I'm really excited about going away for the weekend. EGM has been so stressed and busy with work and I could use a break as well. I am not, however, too excited about this birthday, 29. I have clear childhood memories of my mom teasing my sister-in-law about aging, saying she should say she was 29 when she was well past 30. Not an novel joke, but one I heard so young that it stuck with me. It makes me feel now that I have only the last crumb of my youth left to savor. But, I can take heart that no matter now old I get, I will always be fresh compared to my siblings!

I was raised by cannibals

The Bean-Mom recently wrote about how she teases her children with threats of cannibalism (you’re so cute I could eat you up. But I’m not food, Mommy!). I too, had to fear being eaten by my parents and siblings, along with many other torments. Commenting on Bean-Mom’s blog inspired me to write a post about some of the most creative teasing I endured as a child.

First a little back story: I’m the youngest of seven children (yes, my parents are Catholic). The oldest six were born over the course of just nine years. Then my parents went on a nine year child production hiatus before I was born. So my sibs range from 9 to 18 years older than me (we all have the same two parents). I would also like to say upfront that I feel I was raised in a loving and happy house and that I really think this stuff is funny rather than traumatizing.

Okay, the torture stories of my youth:

• When I was an infant who could crawl, my sisters would sit in a circle with me in the middle. They would all call my name to get me to go to one of them, which they decided would indicate who my favorite was (at six months!). The story goes that I would usually end up confused and crying in the middle.
• My mom used to sing this song to me, “found a peanut, found a peanut, found a peanut in a shell” in a way that indicated I was the peanut. I just loved that song. Of course, the lyrics go on to say that the peanut was rotten and induced vomiting.
• Both my mom and siblings often said how they intended to put me into a clothes dryer to shrink me so I would stay a cute little kid forever.
• My siblings had me actually convinced that I was adopted. They told me which house down the street I came from and how that family couldn’t take care of me so our parents took me in. They had good evidence. They cited the extreme age difference between the older kids and me and how years before, when my parents had six kids between the ages of 2 and 11, they had taken in a foster child for a year.
• My siblings told me that I was really the oldest, but that I had a disease that kept me from growing. They said that our parents had decided that everyone should act like I was the youngest so I wouldn’t feel bad about not growing.
• This one's not really teasing, but I remember going to bars and frat parties starting when I was 3, until the last sister who went to an out-of-town college graduated when I was about 12. The kids who were younger than the one at college got to go visit for “little sibs weekend”. Can you believe my mom let her 16-year-old drive her three youngest kids, including her 3-year-old the four hours to visit their college freshman sister? To be fair, my mom now can’t believe she let that happen either.

The worst part of all of this is that my sisters and brothers have produced thirteen wonderful nieces and nephews who I’m not really allowed to tease. Those diabolical teenagers grew into adults who think it’s not nice to tease their adorable children. The injustice!

Sister time

I just spent 24 lovely hours with S2 (my sister) and her friends. She had a very stressful 2007, so her husband conspired with her friend to get her some R &R. I live in a more interesting city about 6 hours from where they live, so two of S2’s friends brought her here for the weekend. We spent Saturday downtown, shopping and walking around, and had afternoon tea in a fancy restaurant (nice, but sounds better than it was). Then this morning, I took her to get her hair cut by the same woman who cut mine last week. It was a fun and spontaneous thing to do and she looks great.

I miss living near my family so much. I’m sure that if I lived near them, I would spend tons of time hanging out with my sibs and their kids. When I’m bored here, I often think how great it would be to call up one of my sisters to just hang out with no plan. I feel like now if I call a friend, I have to invite them to do some specific activity, not just chill.

On the other hand, I don’t think my sibs could ever really substitute for friends. When I choose friends, I look for people with similar views so I can relax and be myself. In fact, I’m probably a little closed minded in some ways, e.g. I am not open to racist, homophobic, grossly materialistic, etc. people. I didn’t choose my family and I will love them unconditionally, so I steer clear of topics about which I suspect we disagree. I would stop nurturing a friendship with someone who has really different values, but I’m never going to drop a family member. In that sense, I feel like I keep big chunks of my personality out of my family’s view. But the unconditional love sure is nice.

That Nagging Feeling

We're still in my hometown enjoying the holiday with my family. On Thursday there were something like 30 people at my sister's house for dinner, which was fun. Yesterday, I went S1, S2, S4, and B2 to see our uncle who has been sick and living in a retirement/assisted living/nursing home for a little over a year. It was a great visit. Afterwards, we went out for pizza at my favorite place which is only found in this city. Then a long day of hanging out with a variety of family, with people coming and going from S2's new house until midnight. Ecogeoman got to see a movie with S2's husband, which is his favorite leisure activity. A great day. Today we don't really have any plans until my high school reunion this evening.

So it has been a good holiday and I haven't done any work or really thought about work too much. But it's there. That little twinge of guilt, the little nagging feeling is just at the very back of my thoughts. I guess I should feel good that it's not looming near the front as it is for ecogeoman, who has been studying his work stuff all morning. I am pretty good at turning it off most of the time. When I get home from work, I usually leave it behind and do home stuff at home. And it works the other way too, where all but the biggest life problems are forgotten when I'm at the lab. But I know that I have a TON of work to do before the big meeting in December at which I am giving my first big oral presentation. I feel guilty that more isn't done already, that I won't make my (self-imposed) goals for the year, etc. I would feel equally guilty if I tried to work on my presentation here, since that's not what I am supposed to be doing over Thanksgiving. I wish I didn't carry this guilt and I wonder if people with other professional jobs have it as well. Certainly it's not exclusive to scientists, but I wonder if it is as strong in early stages of other careers as it is for us. I also wonder what's going to happen when (if) I have more responsibility, like children or my own lab.


Well, that's a downer. For the rest of the day, I'm just going to be thankful that I'm here, my parents are healthy, my family is happy, and ecogeoman is with me. And that I have something interesting to say about myself and something cute to wear and a boyfriend with a cool accent to bring to that high school reunion.

My Thanksgiving Tradition

We’re off to another midwest city tomorrow to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I always enjoy the Thanksgiving break because it’s a long enough visit that I get to relax with my family; usually our trips there are so rushed. All but two of my six siblings will be there with seven of my thirteen nieces and nephews. Chaotic, but very fun.

I always spend the day after Thanksgiving with one particular sister (I think I will use Profgrrrl’s approach and number them by birth order, so this is S2). My mom always power shops for bargains, so starting when I was around ten years old, S2, who is fourteen years older than me, would take me out for the day. The first few years, we’d just go shopping. She’d take me to all the big malls that my mom wouldn’t typically bother with. Then when S2 became engaged, we’d go with her fiancé to see the Christmas displays and such. Then, when she had kids, we’d do something all together, then her husband would take the kids home and we’d go out shopping for the rest of the day. Sometimes another sister or our mom would join us for a while too. Now that my boyfriend is also there, it’s a different dynamic. It’s difficult to find something that all of us can enjoy, especially because S2 just really want s a break from mom duties, but boyfriend isn’t really much of a kid person so isn’t thrilled by hanging out with S2’s husband and kids all day. This year, S2’s family just moved into a new house so she’s super busy and overwhelmed. I offered to help unpack that day, which she seemed to like. We’ll probably spend the day at their new house, play some cards, order pizza, and maybe do some unpacking/organizing. A big break from our usual tradition, but fun nonetheless.

Addendum: Boyfriend (who will now be called ecogeoman) read this post and got upset that I wrote that he isn't a kid person. He really likes kids and in fact was looking forward to spending the day with S2's family. My bad.