Bad boys

Ecogeoman and I have been watching The X-Files from the beginning on Netflix. Tonight we got to the episode in season 7 where it's like an episode of the show Cops. I asked EGM if they had Cops in Far Off Land, wondering if he would get the comedy of the X-Files episode. To my mild surprise, he said yes. I asked if they had a Far Off Land version or if they just got the regular American version. "Ha!" he said. "There isn't enough crime in Far Off Land to have a whole show about it!"

Why do we live here again?  Oh yeah, 'cause there's no jobs in Far Off Land either.

Sympathy FAIL

I've been complaining to EGM that I haven't felt like myself the past couple of days. Maybe I'm getting sick or something.

It was raining today and I knew the traffic would suck, so I left work a little early to try to beat the worst of it. Rather than having me pick him up on my way, EGM decided to work later and take public home.

My leaving-work-early plan was not effective. EGM called me while I was sitting in a horrible traffic jam. An excerpt:

Him: how are you feeling now?
Me: meh. Not sick, but I'm just so irritable. I'm even grouchy with myself! And I can't figure out why. I mean, I started my period today, but that doesn't usually affect my mood. [actually, my mood is disrupted about 5 days in advance]
Him: oh, well that's probably the reason.
Me: I don't think so. I never have problems the day I start.
Him: well, you are getting older...
Me: What?
Him: well, maybe things are changing as you age...you are getting older.
Me: that's fucking not the fucking reason.

Honestly, he usually knows better!

Culture shock

So I'm applying for this job in Far Off Land. It's not really what I had in mind, especially for my first position out of grad school, and it's very unlikely that my bid for it will be successful. But still, I'm applying, and I would like for my application to not be laughable.

Since I hadn't really planned on applying for anything other than postdocs at this point, I'm not sure how to prepare a good application. On top of that, I'm noticing some cultural differences that are confusing me. Far Off Land is quite similar to the US overall, but minor differences crop up from time to time. EGM and I note them with interest (or sometimes frustration) and then move on. In other words, the subtle cultural differences haven't really had any impact on my behavior, like how I deal with EGM or his family.

But now with this job thing, I'm confronted with some small things that seem totally weird. For example, they suggest writing your interests and hobbies on your cv. That feels uncomfortable to me, since I haven't seen it before. Where do I write that? What sorts of things are cv-worthy? I don't really have a whole heck of a lot of hobbies -- can I put that I really love watching Lost? Or that I spend much of my free time reading anonymous blogs? I'm guessing they expect the applicants to say how much they love back-country camping or rock climbing or something. I mean, I like camping and all but it's not like it's a major hobby. Another example of things that seem strange to my American sensibilities: you can bring your family along if you get an interview, but you have to write in your cover letter if that is something you plan to do. huh?

So, I have no idea what to write in my cover letter, or how best to structure my cv for a job like this as it is. But now I'm even less confident because of the cultural differences at play. EGM has explained some of the issues, but is equally inexperienced and has been in the US long enough that I don't think he can offer a whole lot of help. It probably doesn't matter anyway since I'm not at all competitive for the job, but I'd still like to put my best foot forward on the application. Also, I guess it's a bit of a lesson in how EGM's background is different from mine, even though we overlook it most of the time.

Random bullets of barbecue beef steak stew

• Apparently Ecogeoman has the series of words, "barbecue beef steak stew" stuck in his head, along with "love fish", which we often call each other. I hate getting words stuck in my head. It's worse than having a song on repeat up there.
• Do you think that if I become a famous scientist, they will cast me in Dancing with the Stars?
• I taught myself a new statistical technique last week, but I was using some non-standard software, and I wasn't totally sure I was doing it right/meeting all the assumptions. Today someone who is expert at this technique generously spent a couple of hours teaching me the appropriate program and how to manipulate the data. It confirmed that I pretty much understood what I had learned on my own, and enhanced my understanding dramatically.
• There are two jobs advertised at a university in Far Off Land: one in my field and one in EGM's area. It is stunning that there is a job available for each of us at the same time at the same place, especially in FOL. They are at a level somewhat above our experience, so I think it's a long shot, but we have to apply. I wish applying for my first real job didn't coincide with the hot-and-heavy writing of my diss.
  

nom nom nom

EGM's friends came to visit a few weeks ago, and they came bearing many packages of delicious sweets from Far Off Land. There were some lollies candies and whole load of biscuits cookies. EGM has been saying forever that American cookies* suck compared to the ones from Far Off Land, with Oreos as his primary example. I've tried to explain that Oreos conjure many comforting childhood memories rather than being high-brow treats, but he doesn't get it. Anyway, I sampled the cookies if FOL when I went there a few years ago, but I didn't try the variety that we've had lately. Wow! They're great! The best is this one kind that's like a Twix but with a better texture and nicer chocolate. I think I have to concede that FOL cookies are indeed better than the U.S. ones. Perhaps we should think about that as we consider potential postdoc locations...

*I'd like to note that we're only talking about relatively inexpensive supermarket cookies, not fancy gourmet ones.

And now I'm 30

I just had a lovely time celebrating a big birthday. Last weekend Ecogeomom, S1, S2, and S4, and S4's little baby came to visit. There were only here for about 24 hours but we had a lot of fun. We don't make a big deal about adult birthdays in my family unless they end in zero, so their visit made my 30th really special. Ecogeoman, who typically f's up my birthday, had a thoughtful present (wrapped even!), a book to organize all the loose recipes I have floating around the kitchen, ready in advance and he took me out to dinner on my actual birthday. Awesome Technician made brownies, which she knows are the signature birthday dessert in my family instead of the much-less-delicious birthday cake.

I have many friends who look at 30 as some major milestone. They say it marks the time when one should be married, have a house, finished a Ph.D., whatever. Or it defines adulthood. I have never looked at 30 this way, probably because there are other ways I think those life events should be defined. For example, I considered myself a full adult when I graduated from college because that was the time when my parents stopped contributing to my livelihood; I had to get a job, fund my own life, pay my own debts, and thus they ceased to have a say in my decisions other than offering advice that I could either take or leave. I don't feel like an old maid because I'm not married yet; EGM and I will do that when the time is right for both of us and our families. I don't feel like a failure for not owning a house; I'm quite comfortable renting for the time being given both our personal circumstances and the shitty market.

On the other hand, I feel a little disappointed with myself for still being in grad school. I remember swearing up and down that I would be finished before I was 30. This had less to do with a particular age and more to do with thinking it was ridiculous for grad school to drag on and on. Yet here I am, approaching year 7. To be fair, I've been held up by some things out of my control, like an "act of god" that drove me to shift the focus of my project and probably cost me a year, or the slow manuscript reviewing that held my attention on one aspect of my project for too long. But really, I want to get on with my life. I'm tired of knowing there are still hoops to jump. I want a real salary. And a 401(k). And the peace of mind that comes from knowing that if the shit hit the fan, I could quit without losing everything I've worked toward for the last dozen years.

So 30 is fine. But I really want to graduate.

Good news

Ecogeoman would like you to know that he got a fellowship to pay his stipend next year! Since he intends to graduate before next school year is over, he's hoping that they'll let him start the fellowship early, which would relieve major stress since there may not be a TA for him this summer. Since he's foreign, he can't really work anywhere else, so we're worried he may not have any summer funding. Here's hoping for some flexibility.

Touche

Ecogeoman and I are, like everyone else, trying to save money. I think it's fair to say that I'm a Saver and he's a Spender. Tonight was his night to think of what to have for dinner and then make it.

So he ordered take out.

While we were waiting for it to arrive, I said, "I can't believe you ordered Thai." To which he replied, "I can't believe how pretty you are."

Butt head. I just don't think he gets it.

Back to normal

Ecogeoman is finally back home. What a relief. I'm not afraid of flying myself, but I do get nervous when he flies. What if his plane crashes and he gets stranded like on Lost*?

I've also been looking forward to EGM's return as a cure for the lazy slumpiness that has plagued me for the last several weeks. I haven't done jack shit on the evenings or weekends which makes me feel bad. I'm hoping that having him around will activate me a little. At the very least sitting around the house, being snowed in in frigid weather will be less boring with his company.



*OMG, I just watched the three hour refresher. I can't freaking wait for the new episode next week!

Resolutions

I love New Year's resolutions (NYR). I made a whole bunch of them last year and while I didn't religiously adhere to them all, having them did help me keep certain goals in mind. Like I said last year, I think the best resolutions are very specific. Not, "I'll be tidier" but "I will vacuum every Friday". A resolution isn't going to transform your personality. It's a way to help you focus your efforts on a few behaviors that contribute to a lifestyle change you strive for. Plus, it's much easier to evaluate your success when you have specific goals.

This year, I'm not going to make any work related resolutions. I anticipate lots of professional progress this year and I don't think any NYRs are going to impact my work life. I've got to get shit done no matter what. I expect that this year I will graduate, find a post-doc, and publish some papers. The pressure is on, so rules about how much time I can spend reading blogs should be irrelevant.

So, I will make two resolutions in my personal life.

1. I will send a birthday card to every member of my immediate-plus family. For those of you following along at home, that's 28 people. I've been contemplating this one for a long time. I always (try to) call each of my siblings on their birthdays, but I blow off their spouses and kids. I feel bad about that, especially the kids. So this year, I'm going to remember them all. First I need to check that I know them all.

2. I will implement one new green activity each month. I've been feeling rather bad that my life's work is devoted to climate change sort of stuff and yet I lead a not-so-green lifestyle. It's not abominable, but there are some serious oversights and inconsistencies. For example, we use cloth napkins instead of paper, but we don't recycle (curbside pickup here is ... suspicious, so we will have to take our stuff to a recycling center ourselves). I intend to write a blog post about our efforts each month. Oh, and you might think this is super lame, but I'm going to wait to start the first one until EGM gets back because I want it to be something we do together rather than something I'm invested in that he ignores, because then it won't last.

I'm not sure what 12 things I'd like to do, so I welcome suggestions. Recycling is definitely one. I'd like to get a kitchen vermicompost bin. I'm interested in growing vegetables on the deck when it gets warm and I want to make an effort to shop at the farmer's market. What else should I do?

Diverting stress

Ecogeoman and I talk a lot more about his work than mine. He has a some slightly paranoid notes to his personality and is prone to anxiety. He likes to talk about all aspects of his work: the details of his own research, projects other people are doing that he finds particularly interesting or stupid, interactions with his coworkers, detailed timelines for his projects. I talk about these things too, but not nearly as much. I'm much more likely to focus on the interactions I have with my colleagues rather than describing details of my work (I think it's really boring to explain enough background information for him to appreciate what I'm talking about). Sometimes, I get a little tired of hearing so much about his work. Not sick of it, just sometimes I'd like to explore other topics.

Last night and today I felt super stressed. I had a little tantrum when I saw Awesome Technician first thing this morning in which I vented about my insecurities about my paper. Then later, I had lunch with Research Advisor and went through the same rant, explaining how I feel like a Bad Scientist because I found errors in my spreadsheets and it took me so long to get through her edits, etc. I felt much better after all this, and I thanked her for listening to me be so melodramatic. She reassured me and said it wasn't really all that emotional.

It occurred to me that I've been dwelling on all the little work stresses I've had lately. Some of them are legit and deserve a little mulling over, but most of them are no big whoop. I think having EGM around to go on about his (non-existent?) work crises keeps me from focusing on my own problems. I get to give him advice (one of my all time favorite activities) and he takes my attention away from whatever bullshit might be on my mind. With him away, I find I'm a little prone to inner monologue histrionics.

Who knew that my ability to partition work and home was all because of EGM? And I wonder if it makes him more stressed to talk about it all so much? Somehow I doubt it.

EGM, I need you to come home now. kthnx.

In competition

Ecogeoman and I are in competition for the same grant. It's one of the ones I wrote about last week -- just a tiny proposal for a small amount of money. It's a university award so it's not super prestigious or anything.

The situation has the potential to be a little awkward or even conflict-inducing. Academic egos bruise so easily; I could imagine one of us feeling humiliated or marginalized if one of us was successful and the other not. So far we've been pretty healthy about it. Last week EGM made really helpful comments on my proposal and today I helped improve his. We promised that we would just be happy if either one of us got funded. We decided we would focus on the success and not take away from the winner's happiness by dwelling on the failure. We also figure we should be happy if some money comes to our household, even if it means one of us gets it at the other's expense. This is all hypothetical, of course, since odds are neither one of us will be successful.

This situation is not a big deal, but it is a taste of things to come. Soon enough we'll be facing a tricky two-body job search where one of us will probably have to give in to the dreams of the other, or one of us will be more successful than the other. That success might be restricted to the job search, or it might characterize our entire careers. I think it's important for us to discuss such possibilities in advance to bolster our relationship in preparation for the uncomfortable situations that we're likely to confront.