I now have one less fear in life.
When Research Advisor reviewed my paper, she uncovered (or led me to uncover) tons of mistake in the data. This was after I had worked with the data extensively and several other people had read the manuscript. I did stupid things like clicking on the wrong column in Excel formulae or incorrectly converting units (apparently I don’t really understand the metric system). I also made larger errors in some of the equations I used. Lame.
The worst part was the doubt these mistakes sowed in me. I worked with that data set for years. It should not have had any problems. If I could have errors like that in spreadsheets I know like the back of my hand, what other problems are lurking in my work?
But you know what? The world didn’t end. Other than pointing out the problems, RA didn’t say a disparaging word. I was really embarrassed and went on about what a Bad Scientist I am, but she just brushed off those self criticisms, saying things like “it’s easy to mix up columns in complex spreadsheets” or “everything blurs together after a while”. I have a feeling she’ll check all my future work with an even finer comb than she used this time, but at least she didn’t make me feel like shit.
Now I know what happens when I screw up in that particular way, so I guess I don’t have to worry about it anymore.
Showing posts with label advisors. Show all posts
Showing posts with label advisors. Show all posts
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Monday, December 22, 2008
Diverting stress
Ecogeoman and I talk a lot more about his work than mine. He has a some slightly paranoid notes to his personality and is prone to anxiety. He likes to talk about all aspects of his work: the details of his own research, projects other people are doing that he finds particularly interesting or stupid, interactions with his coworkers, detailed timelines for his projects. I talk about these things too, but not nearly as much. I'm much more likely to focus on the interactions I have with my colleagues rather than describing details of my work (I think it's really boring to explain enough background information for him to appreciate what I'm talking about). Sometimes, I get a little tired of hearing so much about his work. Not sick of it, just sometimes I'd like to explore other topics.
Last night and today I felt super stressed. I had a little tantrum when I saw Awesome Technician first thing this morning in which I vented about my insecurities about my paper. Then later, I had lunch with Research Advisor and went through the same rant, explaining how I feel like a Bad Scientist because I found errors in my spreadsheets and it took me so long to get through her edits, etc. I felt much better after all this, and I thanked her for listening to me be so melodramatic. She reassured me and said it wasn't really all that emotional.
It occurred to me that I've been dwelling on all the little work stresses I've had lately. Some of them are legit and deserve a little mulling over, but most of them are no big whoop. I think having EGM around to go on about his (non-existent?) work crises keeps me from focusing on my own problems. I get to give him advice (one of my all time favorite activities) and he takes my attention away from whatever bullshit might be on my mind. With him away, I find I'm a little prone to inner monologue histrionics.
Who knew that my ability to partition work and home was all because of EGM? And I wonder if it makes him more stressed to talk about it all so much? Somehow I doubt it.
EGM, I need you to come home now. kthnx.
Last night and today I felt super stressed. I had a little tantrum when I saw Awesome Technician first thing this morning in which I vented about my insecurities about my paper. Then later, I had lunch with Research Advisor and went through the same rant, explaining how I feel like a Bad Scientist because I found errors in my spreadsheets and it took me so long to get through her edits, etc. I felt much better after all this, and I thanked her for listening to me be so melodramatic. She reassured me and said it wasn't really all that emotional.
It occurred to me that I've been dwelling on all the little work stresses I've had lately. Some of them are legit and deserve a little mulling over, but most of them are no big whoop. I think having EGM around to go on about his (non-existent?) work crises keeps me from focusing on my own problems. I get to give him advice (one of my all time favorite activities) and he takes my attention away from whatever bullshit might be on my mind. With him away, I find I'm a little prone to inner monologue histrionics.
Who knew that my ability to partition work and home was all because of EGM? And I wonder if it makes him more stressed to talk about it all so much? Somehow I doubt it.
EGM, I need you to come home now. kthnx.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Back
I'm back! Actually, I've been back for a few days but I haven't gotten around to posting because I had so many posts to read. You people are just far too interesting.
So, the meeting was fine. It was an annual workshop that I've attended before, so I didn't get as much out of it this time. The participants were all students, at all levels, in a range of disciplines. Personally, I think the workshop program needs major overhauling in order to meet the very difficult task of providing something valuable to all members of such a wide audience. They ask us to come for an entire week in June, the time when people are finally freed from the classroom to focus on research or need to be working outdoors in the field, so I think we should be able expect to really benefit from the program that takes us away at such a crucial time. The worst part for me was listening to several of the same talks, positively steeped in opinion, that I heard last year. The best part was interacting with the many undergrads who were eager to learn all about grad school, what it's like to do research, and the science everyone is doing. The even better part was that more than 50% of the people there were women, some from very male-dominated fields.
My talk was okay, but not as seamless and interesting as I would have liked. As I was working on it, I realized that I don't have a super good grasp of how the work fits with some of the recent literature. One lab group has published several very nice papers in the last 6 months or so that put forth a new concept substantiated with several lines of observational evidence. I need to study those papers to figure out how my research adds to that body of work rather than simply confirming it. So, that's why my talk last week was so unsatisfying. However, I think I know what I need to do next (before my presentation at the big August meeting).
Since I've been back, I learned that Research Advisor finally started to do a Lab Thing that has been holding me up. She didn't finish it, but we decided I could move on with part of it in the meantime. I'm glad because waiting for her had me suck on two different projects and I was starting to resent it. But before I do any work in that lab space, I have to clean it because someone did Something Bad in it and now I don't trust the integrity of samples processed in it. Poo. On the personal side, yesterday we met a bunch of friends at a festival where I saw 1. a man wearing a black cowboy hat, cowboy boots, and tiny briefs that had "evil" written in glitter across the ass, and nothing else. and 2. a man wearing tiny denim briefs and nothing else. There was also a marching band band that was awesome and seriously, the most openly-affectionate same-sex couples I've ever seen. That was really cool. Today I had grand plans for doing all sorts of housework, work reading, etc., but ALL I've done is read blog posts. Maybe I'll get my ass into gear and at least go to the grocery store.
So, the meeting was fine. It was an annual workshop that I've attended before, so I didn't get as much out of it this time. The participants were all students, at all levels, in a range of disciplines. Personally, I think the workshop program needs major overhauling in order to meet the very difficult task of providing something valuable to all members of such a wide audience. They ask us to come for an entire week in June, the time when people are finally freed from the classroom to focus on research or need to be working outdoors in the field, so I think we should be able expect to really benefit from the program that takes us away at such a crucial time. The worst part for me was listening to several of the same talks, positively steeped in opinion, that I heard last year. The best part was interacting with the many undergrads who were eager to learn all about grad school, what it's like to do research, and the science everyone is doing. The even better part was that more than 50% of the people there were women, some from very male-dominated fields.
My talk was okay, but not as seamless and interesting as I would have liked. As I was working on it, I realized that I don't have a super good grasp of how the work fits with some of the recent literature. One lab group has published several very nice papers in the last 6 months or so that put forth a new concept substantiated with several lines of observational evidence. I need to study those papers to figure out how my research adds to that body of work rather than simply confirming it. So, that's why my talk last week was so unsatisfying. However, I think I know what I need to do next (before my presentation at the big August meeting).
Since I've been back, I learned that Research Advisor finally started to do a Lab Thing that has been holding me up. She didn't finish it, but we decided I could move on with part of it in the meantime. I'm glad because waiting for her had me suck on two different projects and I was starting to resent it. But before I do any work in that lab space, I have to clean it because someone did Something Bad in it and now I don't trust the integrity of samples processed in it. Poo. On the personal side, yesterday we met a bunch of friends at a festival where I saw 1. a man wearing a black cowboy hat, cowboy boots, and tiny briefs that had "evil" written in glitter across the ass, and nothing else. and 2. a man wearing tiny denim briefs and nothing else. There was also a marching band band that was awesome and seriously, the most openly-affectionate same-sex couples I've ever seen. That was really cool. Today I had grand plans for doing all sorts of housework, work reading, etc., but ALL I've done is read blog posts. Maybe I'll get my ass into gear and at least go to the grocery store.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
Committee meeting: done
I had a committee meeting yesterday. My department didn't require annual committee meetings until this year. In the past, the committee would only meet together twice: once at the student's prelim exam and once at her defense. I guess a few "uncomfortable" defenses made the department decide it needed to be like other decent programs and require annual progress meetings.
I guess because the annual meeting was an unknown entity, I got super anxious about it. I knew it wasn't supposed to be a big deal so I'm not sure why I was so worried. I guess I thought they would tear apart the work I had done so far or not approve the changes I wanted to make to one of the chapters. Also, I felt very disorganized and irresponsible because I hadn't fully checked out the room arrangements. I was right to be worried about that because the room had a speaker phone with no speaker* and an expired calling card (one of my committee members had to participate by phone).
The phone stuff eventually worked out and the meeting went fine. Thank goodness for Research Advisor, who just the day before had passed a paper to me that covered exactly what I needed to substantiate the revisions I wanted. After two hours (!) of discussion, we agreed on a much reduced version of a chapter I proposed two years ago at my prelims and they nodded approval at the data I have so far for the other chapters. I even received some very positive feedback from my outside committee member (delivered in restrained and measured verbiage) that made me feel really good. He told Research Advisor he thinks I am "a winner". Can't beat that.
*Me to Academic Advisor in a most shrill voice, "I don't deserve a Ph.D. if I can't even set up a meeting room with a phone that works!" How melodramatic of me.
I guess because the annual meeting was an unknown entity, I got super anxious about it. I knew it wasn't supposed to be a big deal so I'm not sure why I was so worried. I guess I thought they would tear apart the work I had done so far or not approve the changes I wanted to make to one of the chapters. Also, I felt very disorganized and irresponsible because I hadn't fully checked out the room arrangements. I was right to be worried about that because the room had a speaker phone with no speaker* and an expired calling card (one of my committee members had to participate by phone).
The phone stuff eventually worked out and the meeting went fine. Thank goodness for Research Advisor, who just the day before had passed a paper to me that covered exactly what I needed to substantiate the revisions I wanted. After two hours (!) of discussion, we agreed on a much reduced version of a chapter I proposed two years ago at my prelims and they nodded approval at the data I have so far for the other chapters. I even received some very positive feedback from my outside committee member (delivered in restrained and measured verbiage) that made me feel really good. He told Research Advisor he thinks I am "a winner". Can't beat that.
*Me to Academic Advisor in a most shrill voice, "I don't deserve a Ph.D. if I can't even set up a meeting room with a phone that works!" How melodramatic of me.
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Vacations
Several bloggers have discussed the dilemmas surrounding students’ requests for vacation time, like whether or not the advisor should be consulted, if the time must be "made up", etc. I have two week-long trips planned for this summer and felt compelled to run my plans by both advisors, though not necessarily ask for permission. Research Advisor didn’t seem especially interested and said fine. I must have had an apologetic look on my face when I talked to Academic Advisor today because he said, “why are making that face? Why do you feel bad about taking time off?” How great is that? He’s right, I shouldn’t feel bad.
That brings me to a thought I’ve had for a while: why do scientists feel like we need to justify their vacations? Why do we have to rationalize our fun?
I’ve noticed that people will say they need to take time off in order to be a better scientist. Vacations “recharge the batteries” so one can return to work in super production mode. Time off during evenings or weekends will “refresh creativity” and “clear one’s head”. These things are all true. But is the only reason we take vacations so that we can be better workers? Why don’t we take vacations just because it’s fun or to spend quality time with our families? I don’t feel like my whole point of living is to be a better scientist. There are lots of things that contribute to making me a good person and member of my community besides my work.
I get so sick of the notion that if I’m serious about my career, then the core of my identity should be as a scientist and that everything I do should be to fortify my worth as a worker. I think that’s bullshit. I’m glad that my advisors don’t seem to have that attitude.
I think I should be able to take a vacation just because I want to. If it happens to make me a better scientist, all the better.
That brings me to a thought I’ve had for a while: why do scientists feel like we need to justify their vacations? Why do we have to rationalize our fun?
I’ve noticed that people will say they need to take time off in order to be a better scientist. Vacations “recharge the batteries” so one can return to work in super production mode. Time off during evenings or weekends will “refresh creativity” and “clear one’s head”. These things are all true. But is the only reason we take vacations so that we can be better workers? Why don’t we take vacations just because it’s fun or to spend quality time with our families? I don’t feel like my whole point of living is to be a better scientist. There are lots of things that contribute to making me a good person and member of my community besides my work.
I get so sick of the notion that if I’m serious about my career, then the core of my identity should be as a scientist and that everything I do should be to fortify my worth as a worker. I think that’s bullshit. I’m glad that my advisors don’t seem to have that attitude.
I think I should be able to take a vacation just because I want to. If it happens to make me a better scientist, all the better.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
My day
My snowy, 105 minute commute to work this morning kind of did me in for the day. I got there late and not in the best of moods. My inbox had the link for prospective summer interns, so I read through those for about an hour. Some of them are just a hoot (some students, usually the younger ones, say the strangest stuff), but this time there were a few really promising ones. That raised my spirits a bit.
Academic Advisor practically made me promise to stay out of the lab for at least a few weeks so I could made some headway on my paper. I have honored the agreement for the post part, but now Research Advisor wants me to help Awesome Technician with some lab work not related to my thesis (although it hasn't been discussed explicitly, I believe I will be a coauthor on the paper). We collect samples for this project every 1-2 years, and I have taken part in the lab experiments for it every time. There is great value in consistency in our work, so it's desirable for me to be involved again. The lab technique we use takes two people, so AT can't do it on her own anyway. So, we agreed that I'll help for 3-5 hours a day until it's done and write the rest of the time. I just didn't have it in me to sit at my desk and think today, so we did the lab stuff all day. I really enjoy it, but I feel guilty because AA wants me writing only. This is the downfall of having two advisors.
On the bright side, there was no traffic at all on the way home for whatever reason. Seriously, if I were going to get involved in a religion, it would have to include a traffic god.
Academic Advisor practically made me promise to stay out of the lab for at least a few weeks so I could made some headway on my paper. I have honored the agreement for the post part, but now Research Advisor wants me to help Awesome Technician with some lab work not related to my thesis (although it hasn't been discussed explicitly, I believe I will be a coauthor on the paper). We collect samples for this project every 1-2 years, and I have taken part in the lab experiments for it every time. There is great value in consistency in our work, so it's desirable for me to be involved again. The lab technique we use takes two people, so AT can't do it on her own anyway. So, we agreed that I'll help for 3-5 hours a day until it's done and write the rest of the time. I just didn't have it in me to sit at my desk and think today, so we did the lab stuff all day. I really enjoy it, but I feel guilty because AA wants me writing only. This is the downfall of having two advisors.
On the bright side, there was no traffic at all on the way home for whatever reason. Seriously, if I were going to get involved in a religion, it would have to include a traffic god.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
RBOC
It's a random bullets post today because I just don't have much to say about any one thing.
- I seem to be getting another cold. No fair. I already had a really bad one this season, right after Thanksgiving. At least I don't feel super crappy, just super snotty.
- Another great interaction with Academic Advisor today. I sent him another draft of the conclusions for my paper and he responded super fast again. He was happy with my progress and made a really constructive suggestion for the main theme of the paper. It will take a lot of thinking to incorporate, but will make the paper much better.
- I have had the luxury of working on this paper for the entire day, every day since New Years. I have been trying to savor that, since I know there won't be many times in my career when I have the level of limited responsibility that gives that kind of freedom.
- I had a conversation with Research Advisor today wherein I got to vent about an issue that has been bothering me for some time. I think it came across okay, which is to say I think I sounded not too bossy/bratty (always a worry for me at work with the super non-confrontational people there) but got my point across that I was upset with both the lack of support from her and the inconsideration (carelessness? cluelessness? laziness?) of some of my coworkers. I think the topic might come up again tomorrow during a meeting with Research Advisor, Awesome Technician, and me, so I will blog more about it after that.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
A pretty good day
Little things can a good day make.
First off, the new Scientiae carnival is up at hdreioplus.de. The very clever Jokerine did a fantastic job putting it together.
Secondly, I had a good interaction with my academic advisor today. This is the man who is faculty at my university, where I infrequently go. He advises my research too, but my topic is on the outskirts of his interest. Since I have a co-advisor whose interests are nearly identical to mine (the woman I usually refer to as my research advisor) and who occupies the office next door to mine, I interact much more with Research Advisor than Academic Advisor. I guess it was time to bust out the capital letters to establish official pseudonyms.
Anyway, my relationship with Academic Advisor has had its ups and downs. He has been rather overcommitted at times and since I have another advisor available to me, I have occasionally decided to not bother him so that his time could be spent with students who need him more. That probably wasn't the best choice in the long run. He was offended that I ignored him, which I learned in a roundabout way. There have been other times when I really tried to work with him, but he blew me off. Only fair, I guess. But currently, we're on the same page. I got him interested in my data and then he saw my talk at the conference in December and loved it (at least that's what he told me). So he's all excited for me to get the paper written and has provided meaningful mentorship to guide me through the process. I love hand holding, so this is good.
Academic Advisor advocates writing the conclusions of a paper first to flesh out the main messages. He suggested I write a draft of the conclusions before the holiday break, leave it, then revise it and give it to him right after the break. Feeling pleased that someone was offering advice, I took it. Today I sent him a first draft of the conclusions and he responded with excited and helpful comments in less than 30 min. yay! I have already addressed some of comments and will deal with the biggest one tomorrow. I have to admit that I have cheated a bit by working on the discussion section simultaneously, but I think that's because I really need to work out my ideas in writing.
Which brings me to the other good thing today. I have gotten in a good place with writing the last two days. I have worked on the paper pretty consistently all day and forced myself to just do it. What’s more, I have been enjoying it. I think maybe my writing muscles have been lubed by this blog.
I know I probably sound really immature with this post, but whatever. I remember that when I was learning to drive, my mom told me to not feel self conscious because everybody on the road had had to learn sometime. I feel that way now.
First off, the new Scientiae carnival is up at hdreioplus.de. The very clever Jokerine did a fantastic job putting it together.
Secondly, I had a good interaction with my academic advisor today. This is the man who is faculty at my university, where I infrequently go. He advises my research too, but my topic is on the outskirts of his interest. Since I have a co-advisor whose interests are nearly identical to mine (the woman I usually refer to as my research advisor) and who occupies the office next door to mine, I interact much more with Research Advisor than Academic Advisor. I guess it was time to bust out the capital letters to establish official pseudonyms.
Anyway, my relationship with Academic Advisor has had its ups and downs. He has been rather overcommitted at times and since I have another advisor available to me, I have occasionally decided to not bother him so that his time could be spent with students who need him more. That probably wasn't the best choice in the long run. He was offended that I ignored him, which I learned in a roundabout way. There have been other times when I really tried to work with him, but he blew me off. Only fair, I guess. But currently, we're on the same page. I got him interested in my data and then he saw my talk at the conference in December and loved it (at least that's what he told me). So he's all excited for me to get the paper written and has provided meaningful mentorship to guide me through the process. I love hand holding, so this is good.
Academic Advisor advocates writing the conclusions of a paper first to flesh out the main messages. He suggested I write a draft of the conclusions before the holiday break, leave it, then revise it and give it to him right after the break. Feeling pleased that someone was offering advice, I took it. Today I sent him a first draft of the conclusions and he responded with excited and helpful comments in less than 30 min. yay! I have already addressed some of comments and will deal with the biggest one tomorrow. I have to admit that I have cheated a bit by working on the discussion section simultaneously, but I think that's because I really need to work out my ideas in writing.
Which brings me to the other good thing today. I have gotten in a good place with writing the last two days. I have worked on the paper pretty consistently all day and forced myself to just do it. What’s more, I have been enjoying it. I think maybe my writing muscles have been lubed by this blog.
I know I probably sound really immature with this post, but whatever. I remember that when I was learning to drive, my mom told me to not feel self conscious because everybody on the road had had to learn sometime. I feel that way now.
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