Ecogeoman and I are in competition for the same grant. It's one of the ones I wrote about last week -- just a tiny proposal for a small amount of money. It's a university award so it's not super prestigious or anything.
The situation has the potential to be a little awkward or even conflict-inducing. Academic egos bruise so easily; I could imagine one of us feeling humiliated or marginalized if one of us was successful and the other not. So far we've been pretty healthy about it. Last week EGM made really helpful comments on my proposal and today I helped improve his. We promised that we would just be happy if either one of us got funded. We decided we would focus on the success and not take away from the winner's happiness by dwelling on the failure. We also figure we should be happy if some money comes to our household, even if it means one of us gets it at the other's expense. This is all hypothetical, of course, since odds are neither one of us will be successful.
This situation is not a big deal, but it is a taste of things to come. Soon enough we'll be facing a tricky two-body job search where one of us will probably have to give in to the dreams of the other, or one of us will be more successful than the other. That success might be restricted to the job search, or it might characterize our entire careers. I think it's important for us to discuss such possibilities in advance to bolster our relationship in preparation for the uncomfortable situations that we're likely to confront.
7 comments:
Too bad you both can't win some money on this one. That would be great practice! Best wishes for both of you.
That's a tough one. I've often thought about that with faculty members that are (obvious) members of a two-body problem (mostly in the sense of grant-getting is tough and how do you deal when one of you is funded and the other isn't). It's tough to think about either member compromising dreams. It sounds like you and EGM are approaching this in a very healthy manner.
So far Hubby and I have only had to compete for money, in which case we look at it as placing two bets where we could otherwise only place one. In terms of employment, we've only applied for internships; we weren't competing for the same position, and were lucky to both get offers in the same location. But I do wonder if we will continue being this lucky when its time to apply for real jobs.
Good luck, to both of you.
Thanks, All. We are sort of thinking of it as doubling our odds by placing two bets. I like that analogy, science girl.
Ooh that is a tricky one. It sounds like you've really thought it through though, which is great. It amazes me that some couples don't talk about really important issues like two-body problems, or having kids or whatever, until the situation actually arises. Mr E Man and I had the kids conversation after about 6 months, but I know some people who only had it after they were married! Unbelievable.
I hope you see some money flow into the household from this competition. Fingers crossed for both of you!
My husband and I are far enough apart in our program that we haven't had to compete directly for anything. Hopefully if we do, it will be as healthy as you two.
Best of luck to you both!
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