Just ask

I just read Kate Clancy's excellent post summarizing the panel to which she contributed at Science Online 2011.  The post is awesome, and the comments are great too.  I found the discussion of self-promotion by women compared to men particularly interesting.  I started the book Women Don't Ask a while back, and although I still haven't finished it, it had a big impact on how I think about getting what I want.  For instance, I negotiated for a slightly higher salary than I was offered (although a man probably would have gotten even more), and I feel less guilty than I used to about asking for things at work. 

Still, like many of Kate's commentors, I am amazed at things a man will have the nerve to request.  One man actually asked to be invited to speak at the meeting we had last year, and so we did!  It would never occur to me to do something like that. 

My favorite comment there (so far) was this one by Stephanie Meredith:

And now I realize that when a woman hears the message, "You have to self-promote. Don't be afraid to self-promote," she may interpret that in a completely different way from the man who's sitting beside her getting the same pep-talk. Now I realize that I need to ask my male colleagues for specific advice in this area. Now I realize that when a man encourages me to self-promote, I should be asking "How? What would you recommend in this situation? Are there any other things you think I should do?"

For realz.