Last weekend I was all bummed because I had lost hope of meeting one of my goals. Not a big deal, but it put a small dent in my motivation. I didn't mention that one of the things prohibiting me from making the goal was a field trip scheduled for next week. Happily, today I learned that the trip has been cancelled!
With that news, I reworked my plans for the next week or so. I have two small grant applications, the latest round of manuscript revisions, and 24 more Crummy Tedious samples to finish before my (arbitrary) deadline of October 15.
With helpful comments from EGM, I think I have just finished the first grant proposal. It's not due until Monday, but I'm going to go ahead and turn it in tomorrow because I really don't want to spend any more time on it. The second one is a shorter version of the first and I have a draft, so I should be able to wrap that up in a half a day (being realistic about the time to do the supporting document crap*). I'll do that tomorrow morning so I can give Research Advisor time to read it if she wants, then I'll turn my attention to the manuscript. I have to revisit some calculations; depending on how onerous they are it might take me as little as half a day or as much as two days to finish the revisions. The Crummy Tedious samples will take 4-6 days, but I think I might be able to get some help from that international student. Although tight, it still might be possible to get it all done in a week.
Sorry to give you such a boring post but this is how I obsess about things sometimes. I'm ecstatic that I might make my goal after all, which is of course my primary source of self worth, just like all scientists, right?
*Mercifully, the supporting crap for these is nothing at all compared to big time grants.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Mutualism
Yesterday we had breakfast with some friends and then I went off to the lab after whining about work. I didn't get there until 12:30 pm.
There is a student from overseas who just arrived for a year-long visit to our lab. She doesn't have a car and is living in sort of an isolated place, so I took her to get groceries and some things from Target. It took an excruciating three hours, as I'm sure it would have taken me if I were to do the same thing in her country. She didn't recognize a lot of the produce, didn't know what items were at a good price, wasn't sure what to get. I think there were some things she wanted but she wasn't sure if the store had them and she wasn't quite sure how to ask me. In the end she got enough to last a week or more and I'm sure it will be easier next time. Situations like this make me awe the many people who work in a foreign country as well as all the scientists who learn English for work, when I most fortunately get to use my native tongue for everything.
Anyway, the student very graciously offered to help me with the Crummy Tedious samples when we finished shopping. A fair mutualism in my view, although I didn't expect her help. It was good though, because even with a few hours of her service I was there till 10:30 pm.
As much as I would like to vege out on this dreary autumn afternoon, I think I will spend some time working on my manuscript or the two little proposals. Maybe if I get them done quickly I can find some time to work on The Samples in the next week.
UPDATE: I didn't end up doing any work today. I got out my memory stick but didn't even plug it in. Work Fail.
Tomorrow is another day.
There is a student from overseas who just arrived for a year-long visit to our lab. She doesn't have a car and is living in sort of an isolated place, so I took her to get groceries and some things from Target. It took an excruciating three hours, as I'm sure it would have taken me if I were to do the same thing in her country. She didn't recognize a lot of the produce, didn't know what items were at a good price, wasn't sure what to get. I think there were some things she wanted but she wasn't sure if the store had them and she wasn't quite sure how to ask me. In the end she got enough to last a week or more and I'm sure it will be easier next time. Situations like this make me awe the many people who work in a foreign country as well as all the scientists who learn English for work, when I most fortunately get to use my native tongue for everything.
Anyway, the student very graciously offered to help me with the Crummy Tedious samples when we finished shopping. A fair mutualism in my view, although I didn't expect her help. It was good though, because even with a few hours of her service I was there till 10:30 pm.
As much as I would like to vege out on this dreary autumn afternoon, I think I will spend some time working on my manuscript or the two little proposals. Maybe if I get them done quickly I can find some time to work on The Samples in the next week.
UPDATE: I didn't end up doing any work today. I got out my memory stick but didn't even plug it in. Work Fail.
Tomorrow is another day.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Unattainable goals
I love setting goals. I really try to make goals that are challenging yet attainable. It sucks to continually set unrealistic goals that you never reach; you always feel like a failure. I think this is a really important skill that takes work to learn.
Shortly after finishing all my summer travel, I thought about what I wanted to accomplish this fall. The Crummy Tedious samples have been hanging over my head since 2005 (I've worked on them in fits and spurts) so I decided I really wanted to finish them. I figured I could get them done by Oct 15, which I set as sort of a tentative goal -- I really wanted some motivation and I knew I could do it as long as nothing much else came up.
Guess what? Other stuff came up. I decided to put together the symposium proposal. I got comments on my manuscript from a colleague that required some thinking and complicated revisions. I decided to apply for two small student research grants that are due in about a week.
I know it's important to do all of these things. I understand that there will always be many balls in the air and that it will get much worse as I advance in my career. I'm not complaining about any of that. The manuscript and grants are important, so I certainly want to get them done. I'm going to the lab today to work on some more Crummy Tedious samples but I probably won't do any more after that until the grant proposals and manuscript are finished. It's just sad to realize that I can't possibly achieve my (self-imposed) goal.
Shortly after finishing all my summer travel, I thought about what I wanted to accomplish this fall. The Crummy Tedious samples have been hanging over my head since 2005 (I've worked on them in fits and spurts) so I decided I really wanted to finish them. I figured I could get them done by Oct 15, which I set as sort of a tentative goal -- I really wanted some motivation and I knew I could do it as long as nothing much else came up.
Guess what? Other stuff came up. I decided to put together the symposium proposal. I got comments on my manuscript from a colleague that required some thinking and complicated revisions. I decided to apply for two small student research grants that are due in about a week.
I know it's important to do all of these things. I understand that there will always be many balls in the air and that it will get much worse as I advance in my career. I'm not complaining about any of that. The manuscript and grants are important, so I certainly want to get them done. I'm going to the lab today to work on some more Crummy Tedious samples but I probably won't do any more after that until the grant proposals and manuscript are finished. It's just sad to realize that I can't possibly achieve my (self-imposed) goal.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Is this how it is with women in charge?
First of all, I am very pleased to announce that S4 had a baby boy today. He is her third child and the 14th grandchild in my family. Everyone is happy and healthy. Yay!
Now I'd like to share two observations about life in a female-dominated lab. I've said before that the lab I'm in is something like 70% women. Since I've always been part of very woman heavy labs, I don't have personal experience with which to compare them to male dominated labs. Lately I've been trying to imagine what the little differences might be.
Our lab has several rather sensitive personalities. They aren't cry babies or difficult people, they are people who are always concerned with how their words and behaviors might be perceived by others and who carefully interpret the words and actions of others so as to fully understand their complete meaning and intent. I recently had a chance to work with a wider group of scientists from my institution as part of a new collaborative effort. We were literally working all together at a table for a whole day. As we worked, one of the technicians in my lab asked, "what is this thing?" I answered, "it's an X and it does function Y." She said, "I know it does Y but I didn't know Xs looked like this." I said, "oh, okay." No big deal. The entire exchange took less than a minute. Then the tech added, "Sorry to be short with you" and I replied, "You weren't and I hope I didn't sound condescending". The men at the table were mildly aghast. I think they thought we were walking on eggshells with each other but really it was just a normal interaction, at least among people who are used to sensitive types.
Is this representative of how women interact professionally as a result of socialization or is it because of the particular personalities that have shaped our lab culture?
Next observation. I have said before that I hate pooping (although I think butts are hilarious). It is the worst part of my day. If I have to Go while at work, I try to be as discreet as possible, even timing my bathroom visit when there are no other women in there. There is a man who works in my vicinity who goes to the bathroom every day with reading material tucked under his arm, clearly headed off to take a shit. Ewww. There have been other men at my work who regularly announce their #2 events. I have never heard a woman in our lab group do that.
Again, is this an example of how gender socialization drives lab culture or is it just individual quirks (i.e. that I am grossed out by the idea of anyone at all making #2 and it just happens that none of the women ever announce it in my presence)?
Now I'd like to share two observations about life in a female-dominated lab. I've said before that the lab I'm in is something like 70% women. Since I've always been part of very woman heavy labs, I don't have personal experience with which to compare them to male dominated labs. Lately I've been trying to imagine what the little differences might be.
Our lab has several rather sensitive personalities. They aren't cry babies or difficult people, they are people who are always concerned with how their words and behaviors might be perceived by others and who carefully interpret the words and actions of others so as to fully understand their complete meaning and intent. I recently had a chance to work with a wider group of scientists from my institution as part of a new collaborative effort. We were literally working all together at a table for a whole day. As we worked, one of the technicians in my lab asked, "what is this thing?" I answered, "it's an X and it does function Y." She said, "I know it does Y but I didn't know Xs looked like this." I said, "oh, okay." No big deal. The entire exchange took less than a minute. Then the tech added, "Sorry to be short with you" and I replied, "You weren't and I hope I didn't sound condescending". The men at the table were mildly aghast. I think they thought we were walking on eggshells with each other but really it was just a normal interaction, at least among people who are used to sensitive types.
Is this representative of how women interact professionally as a result of socialization or is it because of the particular personalities that have shaped our lab culture?
Next observation. I have said before that I hate pooping (although I think butts are hilarious). It is the worst part of my day. If I have to Go while at work, I try to be as discreet as possible, even timing my bathroom visit when there are no other women in there. There is a man who works in my vicinity who goes to the bathroom every day with reading material tucked under his arm, clearly headed off to take a shit. Ewww. There have been other men at my work who regularly announce their #2 events. I have never heard a woman in our lab group do that.
Again, is this an example of how gender socialization drives lab culture or is it just individual quirks (i.e. that I am grossed out by the idea of anyone at all making #2 and it just happens that none of the women ever announce it in my presence)?
Monday, September 29, 2008
Would you eat a ...?
Suppose you are a life/earth scientist on some kind of field expedition. Some calamity occurs that leaves you stranded without food. You are forced to gather and hunt for resources. Let's say that the ecosystem where you are stranded is not very productive, so there are few wild food options in low abundances. You have no indication of when help will come -- you could be rescued tomorrow or maybe not at all. I won't define your group size, i.e. if you are alone or with colleagues.
Would you eat an endangered species to stay alive?
What if it were your study organism?
What if you knew no one would ever find out?
Would you eat an endangered species to stay alive?
What if it were your study organism?
What if you knew no one would ever find out?
Sunday, September 28, 2008
NYR review
I bet you thought I forgot about my New Year's Resolutions. I did not. I just thought reviewing them made for boring blog posts. But it's been a while since I did an update, so here we go.
Project Efficiency
Recap: I was going to stop procrastinating by 1. not fake working 2. setting goals for each next day 3. not blogging at work at all.
Progress: Not bad, but certainly not perfect.
1. I really do try to ask myself if what I'm doing is actually getting me closer to a PhD, or if I'm doing it to avoid what really needs to get done. Keeping this in mind has been remarkably effective at curbing the fake work habit but I could do better.
2. The days when I arrive a work with a to-do list on my desk that I wrote the previous day are definitely the most productive. Unfortunately, I don't make a list for every day. Need to be more consistent.
3. Okay, I confess that I read blogs a little. My rule is to only read blogs in bloglines which means that I can't read or write comments, the big time suck of reading blogs. It also means that while at work, I don't read blogs that don't syndicate the entire post, nor do I move laterally among blogs. So it's restricted to a break time activity rather than a vortex that sucks me in for hours (like it does at home). In addition, I've cut way back at looking at other websites, like MSN and such.
Money
Recap: I was going to save three months' expenses and pay for two overseas trips as well as open an IRA.
Progress: The IRA is humming along, losing money but for the automatic transfers from my savings account each month. The savings was doing great but has been depleted. I only ended up making one big trip, but I had to help EGM with some expenses. So the total is down, but EGM will eventually pay me back. And I still have time, so I might be able to get to the 3 month mark by January.
Health
Recap: I vowed to cook decent meals at least three nights each week and start eating chicken again.
Progress: We eat chicken about 4-6 times per month, which is about what I wanted. I eat some other meat as well, but not too often. We have been cooking pretty regularly but fell off the wagon during busy times this summer. I have clearly gained weight, so I'd like to get a handle on our eating and exercise to reverse that trend.
Work
Recap: 1. submit two papers 2. finish lab work for chapter 2 3. finish lab work for chapter 3 4. get started on or eliminate chapter 4
Progress: 1. Chapter 1 is getting closer to submission form. Research Advisor still hasn't read it, but I did get some good feedback from another colleague. She pointed out some flaws that had me uncomfortable, so I feel like after I deal with them the paper will be really close to ready. It's unlikely that I will get another paper out before the end of the year.
2. done, with the exception of a handful of analyses that will take a few hours.
3. See counter at side bar. After the samples are processed, I'll be delightfully over the hump but I'll still have a bunch more work to do before I have all the data.
4. I dramatically reduced the lab work required for this chapter at my committee meeting, which is a start. I might get started on the lab work before the end of the year, but it will mean trade-offs with other work, like writing chapter 2. Since I think I work best when I divide my time between the office and lab, I'm thinking I might put this lab work off so I don't spend the spring in writing jail. On the other hand, it would feel really good to see this project get rolling.
So that's that. I think I'm still on track to defend in late spring/early summer with some money in the bank and reasonable cholesterol levels. How are your NYRs faring?
Project Efficiency
Recap: I was going to stop procrastinating by 1. not fake working 2. setting goals for each next day 3. not blogging at work at all.
Progress: Not bad, but certainly not perfect.
1. I really do try to ask myself if what I'm doing is actually getting me closer to a PhD, or if I'm doing it to avoid what really needs to get done. Keeping this in mind has been remarkably effective at curbing the fake work habit but I could do better.
2. The days when I arrive a work with a to-do list on my desk that I wrote the previous day are definitely the most productive. Unfortunately, I don't make a list for every day. Need to be more consistent.
3. Okay, I confess that I read blogs a little. My rule is to only read blogs in bloglines which means that I can't read or write comments, the big time suck of reading blogs. It also means that while at work, I don't read blogs that don't syndicate the entire post, nor do I move laterally among blogs. So it's restricted to a break time activity rather than a vortex that sucks me in for hours (like it does at home). In addition, I've cut way back at looking at other websites, like MSN and such.
Money
Recap: I was going to save three months' expenses and pay for two overseas trips as well as open an IRA.
Progress: The IRA is humming along, losing money but for the automatic transfers from my savings account each month. The savings was doing great but has been depleted. I only ended up making one big trip, but I had to help EGM with some expenses. So the total is down, but EGM will eventually pay me back. And I still have time, so I might be able to get to the 3 month mark by January.
Health
Recap: I vowed to cook decent meals at least three nights each week and start eating chicken again.
Progress: We eat chicken about 4-6 times per month, which is about what I wanted. I eat some other meat as well, but not too often. We have been cooking pretty regularly but fell off the wagon during busy times this summer. I have clearly gained weight, so I'd like to get a handle on our eating and exercise to reverse that trend.
Work
Recap: 1. submit two papers 2. finish lab work for chapter 2 3. finish lab work for chapter 3 4. get started on or eliminate chapter 4
Progress: 1. Chapter 1 is getting closer to submission form. Research Advisor still hasn't read it, but I did get some good feedback from another colleague. She pointed out some flaws that had me uncomfortable, so I feel like after I deal with them the paper will be really close to ready. It's unlikely that I will get another paper out before the end of the year.
2. done, with the exception of a handful of analyses that will take a few hours.
3. See counter at side bar. After the samples are processed, I'll be delightfully over the hump but I'll still have a bunch more work to do before I have all the data.
4. I dramatically reduced the lab work required for this chapter at my committee meeting, which is a start. I might get started on the lab work before the end of the year, but it will mean trade-offs with other work, like writing chapter 2. Since I think I work best when I divide my time between the office and lab, I'm thinking I might put this lab work off so I don't spend the spring in writing jail. On the other hand, it would feel really good to see this project get rolling.
So that's that. I think I'm still on track to defend in late spring/early summer with some money in the bank and reasonable cholesterol levels. How are your NYRs faring?
Friday, September 26, 2008
Don't steal my food!
My sister (S3) posted the following anecdote on our family blog. She doesn't know I have this blog so I didn't ask her if I could repost the story here; I'm pretty sure she'd say yes. Her son is 2.5 years old.
[Son] had a small, dry booger on his nose. I flicked it away. [Son] asked me, "Was that a booger, Mama?" I said, "yes". He replied in a very disappointed voice, "I wanted to eat that booger."
I guess I'm not feeding him enough!
Too funny!
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