Enlighten me

I figure I'm going to be referring to my temporary-job-that-follows-a-Ph.D. fairly frequently in the coming months.  I tend to refer to such a job as a "post-doc", but I've noticed lots of people write "postdoc" and some write "post doc".  Please weigh in using the poll on the side bar, or leave a comment with your remarks.  Only vote once.  I will use whichever one gets the most votes after the poll closes.

Closure WIN!

I turned in my final thesis yesterday. All the tasks that I expected to be roadblocks -- obtaining forms, getting signatures, paying fees -- fell into place one by one. The grad college guy said he'd look over it early next week and then let me know if there are any formatting issues.

I'm so pleased to have this phase over, and to have it over before my post-doc starts. woot!

Closure FAIL

I thought I could deposit my thesis today. But I could not.

By the time I went home yesterday I had done all the revisions required based on the defense, checked over all the data, and did and most of the formatting. This morning I got a later start than I intended and then I had to stop to buy the fancy paper on my way to work. Buying the paper took a while, as I had to consult with two different associates to make sure I had the right stuff. When I got to work, I spent some time making the last of the formatting changes, and then decided I needed to read through the whole thing one last time to make sure I hadn't done anything weird during the revisions and formatting. Then I printed it. Then I did the copyright form. Then I did the Earned Doctorates form. Then I got it all sorted into the proper envelopes. Then it was almost 3 pm and I still had to get a money order for bound copies I want, drive to the university, pay the stupid get out of jail grad school fee, pick up the signed forms from my adviser, and hand it in at the graduate college office. Cutting it close.

I got on the highway without stopping at the bank for the money order, so I had to turn around and go back for it. Then I forgot exactly where the building with the cashiers' office is and lost some time circling it and finding a parking space. I thought that office closed at 5, but in fact it closes at 4 and I got there at 4:04. Fuck. And why the hell can't I pay this lame-ass fee online? So I went to my adviser's office to get the forms, thinking I'd at least be able to get the packets all ready. Nope, he wasn't there despite an email yesterday saying he'd be there all day. he was probably expecting me earlier than 4:15. Whatever.

I was inordinately disappointed that I couldn't just get it the fuck done. I even had a bit of a tanty in the car after I left the closed cashiers' office. I still have plenty of time before the deadline to graduate this semester, but I just wanted this phase of life to be over. I don't want it to drag on another day. And I really wanted to have it done and dusted before I start the post-doc.

But whatever. I'll suck it up, and go back tomorrow and try to take care of it.

The day did get significantly better after all that, however, since EGM made a positively outstanding chicken makhani. Yum!

Update

I have a post-doc staring Monday! Doing pretty much my dream research! With a great salary for which I'm smug to say I negotiated!

There's a bunch of stuff related to this that I'm just dying to blog about, but I haven't yet decided how to pseudonymize it. In fact, that has kept me from posting over the last few days despite a new meme (!) from Amanda. I'm sure I'll settle on a identity-hiding scheme soon so I can tell you something about what I'll be doing, or at least something about how I feel about it.

Memes

Have you noticed that there have been very few memes circulating in this corner of the blogosphere lately? When I started by blog in late 2007, it seemed memes were pretty common, but they've really trailed off over the past year or so.

People act like it's a big inconvenience to be tagged for a meme, but I kind of like it. However, that attitude made me reluctant to tag people. Still, I think memes are kind of fun sometimes, provide an easy topic for a post, and are a nice way to help new bloggers grow their audience. So if anyone gets a new meme, you are welcome to tag me.


I did see that Cuttlefish started a very cool new meme last week and I'm curious to see if it starts circulating widely. A worthy effort, but my guess is that it will be too difficult for many people to write something fast enough.

Defense Part III: Aftermath

One thing I learned about myself at my defense is that I absolutely cannot do any kind of math on the spot. At all.

There are many regressions in my thesis, and Dr. X was suspicious of some of my r^2 values. He asked, if the r^2 is 0.41, what is the r? Um, um, um, ...0.2? Embarrassing. He also asked me the difference between standard error and standard deviation. This is something I know, of course, and of course I mixed it up in my answer. To top it all off, Research Adviser noticed an error in some calculations she had me add at the last minute. There are two ways to make the calculations, both valid, but she thought that I had made the calculation one way and written that I did it the other way. So she asked me to describe the algebra for solving the equation the way I said I did it. It was like she asked me to give my answer in Russian. So, thinking it would help me, she asked me to solve the equation on the white board. I got all flustered and bumbled through it. I tried to diffuse my humiliation by joking that this was my fifth-grade nightmare. That got a laugh and got them to help me through it.

At several points when I felt things were getting unnecessarily serious, I joked around a little bit or said things that were a a little lighthearted. I'm not sure if that annoyed the committee or relaxed them, but it definitely relaxed me. I figured I've had lots of successful discussions with scientists at meetings or during visits, and I felt like I would do my best if I pretended that this was like any other conversation about my work.

Three hours and 15 minutes after it started, Academic Adviser asked if there were any more questions, and then asked me to leave the room. They deliberated for over 20 min(!) during which time I was in my office around the corner with EGM. According to Research Adviser, the deliberations weren't about whether I passed, but about what kind of revisions I should make. Academic Adviser finally came to get me and after we were back in the room told me that the decision to pass me was unanimous. As he shook my hand, I asked if there were any major revisions. He said there were just minor ones that we would discuss later. The others shook my hand, congratulated me, and then went off to pee. Neither Research Adviser nor I are hugging types, but when I went to shake her hand she said I needed a hug instead. Seriously people, I rarely cry , but I misted over when I hugged her. It was awesome.

After that, we joined my labmates for champagne. Then my two advisers and most of Academic Adviser's lab went to dinner at a decent restaurant nearby, which was a lot of fun.

The following Monday my (non-university) office was covered with mini Twix's and decorated with congratulatory paraphernalia. They even had a surprise pizza lunch for me, complete with brownies baked with Twix bits -- Awesome Technician's best stab at a Twix cake. It was terrific. It reinforced my conviction that I have some really wonderful colleagues and made me feel really special. Research Adviser gave me a copy of a high quality text book that is considered the bible of our field - a gift I highly value.

I met with Academic Adviser the next week to get the list of required revisions. Fortunately, they're pretty minor. Basically, he wanted me to ensure that all the numbers were correct but told me not to spend my time changing the text. Rather, he wants me to focus on preparing my chapters for publication, and to incorporate the committee's comments in the papers, not in the thesis.

Before the defense, I promised myself no regrets. Based on positive feedback from my committee before the defense, I was pretty sure I'd pass. Still, I knew I'd flub some questions or wish I had answered some differently, but I think that's par for the course. You can't beat down a barrage of questions for several hours without missing some. So I decided that as long as I passed without huge conditions, I'd allow myself to be happy with my performance and not beat myself up over any mistakes.

So, between the challenging questions at the defense, the champagne toast, the celebratory dinner, the surprise pizza lunch, and the relatively minor required revisions, I say my defense was pretty climactic. I'm grateful to everyone who had any part in it and I'm so glad it's behind me.

Defense Part II: The interrogation

This post is the second installment of the story of my defense...

Contrary to a new departmental policy that mandated we have annual committee meetings, I only met with my committee once between my candidacy exam and defense. Annual meetings seemed unnecessary since I basically did everything I said I would do in my thesis proposal, which they all approved at my candidacy exam. I called the one non-exam meeting when I wanted to make a major change to one of my chapters, which everyone agreed on after some discussion.

I distributed my thesis to my committee three weeks before my defense. I initially emailed a word file of the thesis, and I offered to provide printed copies as well. Four of them wanted printed copies, which I had spiral bound for $6 each at Kinko's. The binding was such a small thing to do (and what's the alternative, giving them a pile of loose pages?), but apparently was very impressive, as everyone commented on how professional this looked. Per Academic Adviser's advice, I asked each of the committee members if they had any questions about the thesis and offered to meet with them before the defense. Only one person took me up on it, but I think it helped clear out some sort of odd questions that would have derailed the defense a little bit. That was Adviser's intention, in fact, since he says he has seen defenses where one person misunderstood a basic concept and then got really defensive/aggressive during the defense to save face.

On the day of my defense, I wore what for me is dress-up clothes: nice-ish pants, a fitted turtleneck sweater, and low heels. Budget cuts meant that the department no longer provides refreshments for defenses, so I brought some drinks and snacks. I also prepared a 15 min PowerPoint presentation synthesizing the highlights of my thesis* (i.e. not going chapter by chapter).

Once everyone was there, Academic Adviser asked me to leave the room. During that time Academic Adviser apparently reviewed my academic history and they discussed how they would conduct the exam. After about 5-10 min, Academic Adviser invited me back into the room and I started my presentation. I think the point of the presentation is to break the ice and to give the student a chance to start with something she's prepared rather than having to answer a difficult question right off the bat. I felt fine delivering the talk, but later both advisers commented that I sounded nervous.

After that, I sat down (the format of my candidacy exam had been pretty similar in that I started with a short PP presentation, but I didn't find a graceful point to sit down after it, so I regrettably stood for the entire 3 hour interrogation). Academic Adviser announced that they had decided to start by asking general questions and then shift focus to more specific questions. Dr. X started and asked a bunch of questions over a period of about 30 min. Others interjected, especially Research Adviser when she could see that I was being asked something I knew but for whatever reason wasn't understanding the question. They spent about 1 h 45 min going around the table that way once.

The second round involved very specific questions, like "Table IX on page 64 shows values above 10 in column 3, but values below 10 in column 4. Do you think that's ecologically significant?" or "the phrasing of the last sentence in the first paragraph on page 98 is logically flawed" or even some critiques that basically came down to style. At one point, I had to meekly point out that the chapter being scrutinized was published, so did they think I needed to make editorial changes for the dissertation? It was a tad awkward, but they agreed that it probably didn't matter.

The most general question I got was something like, "if I were writing a book about [your topic in a broad sense] and I asked you to write a chapter on [your specialty] what would you include as the most important points?" RA's questions were the most difficult because I thought I knew the sorts of things she would ask, but then when she formulated questions, I got all confused: does she want me to talk about topic X, or is she looking for a discussion of topic Y? There is so much history between us that each question seemed impossibly loaded. Academic Adviser didn't ask any questions at all except as follow-up to questions posed by others. These were mostly to shift the direction of the discussion to something that would help me make a good point, or away from something he didn't want to spend time on.

Tomorrow: stuff I struggled with and the aftermath.

*Defending students used to give a45-min seminar to the whole department then retire to a closed room with the committee for the defense. I guess there were some uncomfortable situations where an unprepared student had their friends and family at the seminar, then performed poorly at the defense but the committee felt pressured into issuing a pass because the family was present, with precipitated a change in policy. Now we have the closed defense and give a public seminar a couple weeks later.