I missed the February Scientiae deadline, but I'm going to write on the topic anyway. Pat wants to know about our dreams for a better, more equitable society. I have the same visions that many others have -- freedom to have the type of family you want with good, affordable childcare and access to any kind of job with no discrimination. But all of these seem to be symptoms of a larger, more underlying problem of bias and marginalization in our society. We're socialized to fit gender roles that have positives as well as all those negatives. So yeah, to make things better for women, we need to support daycare on site and all that, but to really chip away at the problem, I think we need to change things for men.
I want men to never think twice about doing "women's work". I want domestic jobs, from household chores that are done by its members to paid work like childcare or nursing, to be things men do too. Without anyone thinking anything of it. Without men getting extra credit for making dinner or ironing. And jobs like daycare teacher would be paid more because men would want to do it too.
I think women will have fair shake once they can stop doing two jobs at once. It needs to be totally normal and expected for men to do all the jobs that women do. I don't mean just in your relationship because you have a super supportive partner. I want it to do beyond supportive partners. Even that phrase is suspect; it's like saying "my partner helps me do the things I should be responsible for at home". No. People should be equally responsible.
I think a better, more equitable society is one where it's okay for boys to wear pink (we fight to get girls out of pink, right?), for boys to play with barbies (we fight for girls to play with trucks, right?), for a husband to clean the toilet without thinking he's doing to help out his wife, for hairdressers, lawyers, and professors to be equally valued, whether they are men or women. If there is no men's work and women's work, then there can't be any discrimination related to work. Even science.
scientiae-carnival
Whenever I write about gender stuff, I get a little nervous. I haven't had any training in gender studies but I know many of you have and I worry my ideas are silly. And now new, although they are new to me. But after watching how things work, they're the ideas I have. I guess the blog is pseudonymous for a reason.
7 comments:
Another thought: this also requires women letting go of the responsibility for work traditionally done by women. For example, when EGM's parents came to visit, I wanted to clean our whole place super well. I figured if it was gross, it was me, not him, who they would think was a bad housekeeper. EGM never tried to make me think that, either.
I don't think that it matters how much training you've had in gender studies stuff for you to talk about it - we still live it every day, it's our reality after all - so we do have some ability to talk about it regardless of training.
I agree completely though that true equality will come when there is no such thing as gendered work and no job is affiliated with a specific type of person (gender or something else). I think this is a good conversation to have and keep having, repeatedly! because we get busy with our lives and our plans and we forget until something happens that we are part of a gendered system - particularly in academia.
I know I struggle with this professionally and personally too - especially with the part about cleaning the house and getting things ready for house guests - because I also know that those things reflect on me as a woman and a wife, not on E-Boy. I have on-going issues with my family as well about my non-enjoyment or even pursuit of "wifely" endeavors - and their complete shock when I say "not my job" for things like buying Christmas presents for my in-laws or writing E-Boy's thank you notes... We're fairly equitable at home but it's so different from what we grew up with or were exposed to.
It's good to be reminded that we are always dealing with the personal and political all at the same time.
Great post! I hope EGM shares your opinion of man job vs. woman job!
EGM, where can I sign?
I so much agree with everything you wrote, but also and with your additionally comment. Many women don't want men to clean their house (because they don't do it right, or too late ect.), and although our daycare has a man working there (I am sooo proud of my kids going to that daycare), I have heard people (mostly women) mutter speculations about potential pedophiliac motivation.
Or take the fact that women often don't vocalize their opinion and wishes clearly, it is a female thing to expect others to "read their minds". On the other hand, this is exactly what many men have a hard time doing. So we have to converge somewhere.
As much as men have to let us into their world, we have to give them access to ours.
(And I wish I could also write such a nice posting!)
Great post, I completely agree with you, including the addition. Sometimes it is an effort for us too to step in that direction.
I couldn't agree more! I am still waiting for the day when a statement like "my husband does the dishes/laundry" doesn't make him sound like a push-over and me like a bad wife. I have (deliberately) chosen a spouse who sees equality as the only way of life, now we just need the world to see it as the norm as well.
Don't be nervous or apologetic about your thoughts - they're very thoughtful.
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