If things go to plan, tomorrow I will have the last of the data I need for my talk at Big Meeting in two weeks. Having two weeks to work with the data is actually pretty good for me. As much as I swear I won't do it again, for whatever reason I always end up scrambling to get the last results with just a few days to spare. This time, I have worked with the preliminary data pretty extensively (I gave a poster on it last year) so I at least have some idea what to expect.
Despite that, my anxiety about preparing for conference presentations seems to increase as I gain experience. I have been to pretty many conferences (1 to 3 each year since 2001) and I have grown less anxious about the meeting itself since I am familiar with the routine and I now know enough people that I can usually find someone to have lunch with even when none of my labmates are there. But the stakes feel higher for my presentations. I used to feel like I was just a young student, so people would know not to expect too much from me. On top of that, I could relax with the idea that they wouldn't remember me anyway, so if I said something stupid, it would vanish into the black hole of the unremembered and I would start with a clean slate next year. But now people do remember me (for which I am grateful, of course!). And I want to impress them. I want them to have in mind that I gave a nice talk when I let them know I'll be graduating and looking for post docs soon.
While diligently working in the lab to get the last of my data, I've been carrying around 8-10 papers that are highly relevant to the talk I plan to give. Yet I haven't read them. Since I only have two weeks to do all the data analysis, interpret the results, make pretty graphs, and write the talk, you'd think I would try to be efficient by doing any necessary literature review before I get the data. But no. Instead I'm all paralyzed by worry about the scientific quality of my presentation. Can I just get over it?
I like to think of myself as a junior colleague. The scientists at these meetings are not the "grown-ups", they are my more senior colleagues (by now, some of them are even junior colleagues to me!). I want them to respect me and my work as I come up the ranks. So can I please not make a boring talk during which I say something ridiculous?
4 comments:
The talk I saw you give was great. I'm sure you will put together a great talk.
Good luck.
2 weeks is a ton of time! And now that you have the data, you will be able to read the papers in the exact context of your talk and will be more able to but your data into the bigger picture of those papers.
I have similar anxiety about my work at this stage of the career. It sounds like your point of view of being a colleague will be reflected in the professionalism of your soon-to-be-amazing talk!
That's exciting that you have a talk at the Big Meeting! Congratulations!
Thanks, although I don't think giving a talk is as big of a deal in my field as in yours (from what I've gathered from other bloggers). Students regularly give them. You have to submit an abstract, but the review is not rigorous so most everyone gets accepted unless the abstract makes it seem like the work won't get done in time.
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